Agent Jersey
by jakevv75
Summary: Another Freelancer in the Gulch, Florida decided to get one more person on board to make sure the Alpha stays safe, he decides to help out a friend so that his friend can help him, designated Agent New Jersey, he gets a second chance, a clean slate, and gets the prestigious honor of sitting around in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere with idiots.
1. Prologue Red Base's New Soldier

**Welcome to my first attempt at an RVB story, i've been thinking of this story for a while, after reading lots of stories i wanted to do one of my own, so welcome to the story of Ray Jacobs my Freelancer OC known as Agent Jersey**.

_Skies over Blood __Gulch_

"Hey!" The pilot of the pelican says looking back to the cargo hold "We're about at the Blood Gulch Simulation Outpost so get ready."

A man in red and white armor is the only one in the cargo hold, the man flips around two Magnum pistols before placing them back on his belt, along with having a standard UNSC assault rifle on his back and grabbing his bags "Thanks for telling me."

_Blood Gulch: Red Base_

Two guys stand atop the red base, one in orange armor being a bit overweight, the other in maroon armor looking a lot more skinny

"Hey Simmons?" The orange one asks "isn't there suppose to be a new guy coming to our base?"

"Uh... yea, he's suppose to be here in a few minutes, why?" the maroon one named Simmons answered.

"Just wondering what this guy is gonna be like, who knows he could be anyone, from a flamboyant guy in pink armor, or even some awful medic." the orange one answers.

Simmons stares at the orange one "Grif... why the hell would command send a flamboyant guy in pink armor to our base, or a medic, no one here ever gets hurt, and we don't need a pole dancer here, it's probably gonna be a clueless rookie." Simmons says replying to Grif's very dumb suggestions "Either way why do you care, you don't even do anything around here, you sit in your room most of the time eating crap, Sarge and I are the only ones who do things around here, I'm just hoping the guy is not another lazy guy like you are"

"Hey! I do things I stand up here sometimes patrolling!" Grif answered offended.

"Uh huh, I've seen your 'patrols' Grif, half the time you are napping, the other half you are walking around the base at the speed of a sloth!" Simmons answered frustrated by Grif's excuse for "work".

"Hey, what in Sam Hell are you two doing! You are suppose to be watching for those damn dirty blues not discussing private Grif's laziness, there's a time and place to discuss that when there isn't the threat of imminent attack from those demonic blues, plus are new soldier will be here any second you are setting a bad example!" A gruff man in regulation red yelled from inside the base.

"Yes sir! We're sorry!" Simmons yelled back, while Grif looked at him "...what?"

"Does anyone ever tell you that you're such a kiss ass?" Grif tells Simmons

"Shut up Grif" Simmons fried back

_Blood Gulch_

A pelican comes into view over Blood Gulch before hovering over the middle of the box canyon

"We're here, now get out I've got better things to do today!" the pilot says

The man in red and white gets up as the pelican cargo door opens the man grabs his bags and exits the pelican "Thanks for the ride!" the man thanks the pilot

"Just doing my job sir!" the pilot answers before closing the pelican doors, lifting off slowly before it speeds up quickly leaving the Gulch

The man looks around, a man in aqua armor begins walking towards the man in red and white

"Hey Jersey, been a while hasn't it?" the aqua armored man says to the man in red and white

The man in red and white armored man known as Agent Jersey looked over to the aqua man "Florida! It's been too long, haven't seen you since the project you know the break in, i'm surprised you called me out here even after my involvement with the break in, how are you holding up?"

"oh it's been wonderful, everything has been going amazingly, and now with you here hopefully Alpha's safety will be secured. I can trust you." Florida answered very happily before coming close and saying "Plus I know why you did what you did, i thought you should get a second chance, off the grid, and with my help I made it happen."

Jersey smiled under his helmet before saying "So you are in charge of blue base and i'm suppose to be second in command at red base right Florida?"

"Correct! But we shouldn't use our freelancer names, regular names just call me Flowers or I guess now enemy, but always feel free to come over and talk even if you are suppose to be an enemy doesn't mean we can't be friendly." Florida happily said in his trademark enthusiastic tone

"Well, you can just call me Jacobs then, and thanks Flowers its good to see one friendly face i haven't seen in a while, well I should probably go introduce myself to the reds before they see me with you, that would not look good!" Jersey said starting to walk away to red base "See ya around Flowers!"

"You too Jacobs!" Florida said back before also beginning to walk back to his base

Jacobs/Jersey had gotten to red base going to the entrance without being noticed because Grif and Simmons were currently talking about random stuff

"Oh come on, I didn't eat all the Oreos!" Grif said to Simmons

"YOU LEFT ONE OREO, YOU MINE AS WELL HAD!" Simmons said to Grif angrily "THOSE WE'RE TO SHARE, JUST LIKE THE CUPCAKES AND THE SODA, BUT YOU DRANK AND ATE IT ALL IN TWO DAYS!"

"For the record you guys never said I couldn't eat all of them" Grif stated

"THAT'S GOES WITHOUT SAYING, WE ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE AWFUL MRES BECAUSE EVERY TIME SARGE GETS GOOD FOOD TO HAVE ITS ALREADY GONE BY THE TIME WE EAT!" Simmons yelled at Grif angrily

Meanwhile Jacobs listened before walking into the base "Wow these guys really need some help or they're gonna kill each other long before blue team fights them" Jersey finds a large living area with a fridge and a small TV

(huh, this looked smaller on the outside) Jacobs thought before looking around seeing a hallway with 4 labeled rooms the first labeled "Simmon's room, Grif banned" the one across from it said "Sarge's room, Grif banned" the third says "G_if's ro_m, Gr_f on_y" several letters had fallen off and the door looked awful the 4th room said "Lopez's room, Grif banned" and there was a few unused rooms

(Wow... this Grif guy sounds awful) Jacobs thought, before going outside and seeing Sarge talking to a guy in brown armor

"Lopez, we will be getting a new guy in any second now he's gonna be my second in command so when I'm not at the base you listen to him instead of Simmons" Sarge said to the brown armored man named Lopez

Lopez simply nodded before noticing Jersey and pointing to me, Sarge turned and stared at Jacobs

"Hello Sir are you the commanding officer?" Jacobs said to sarge

"you must be the new guy, yes you are correct I am the Sargent of this outpost, but you can just call me Sarge son" Sarge said confidently

"Yes sir, Corporal Ray Jacobs reporting for duty, ready to take down the blue menace!" Jacobs said obviously he didn't think that, knowing the truth of what'what's going on, but he needed a good first impression

"Respectful, confident, and enthusiastic, you are gonna fit in great here, welcome to red team Corporal!" Sarge said with a smile under his helmet, he didn't get much respect around here, Grif was lazy, Simmons always over did it, Lopez couldn't talk, so he was happy to get some respect

"Its good to be here sir!" Jersey confidently said before saluting Sarge

"Alright, now why don't you go introduce yourself to your new teammates, the two of them are currently lollygagging on top of the base, I'm busy!" Sarge said to Jacobs

"Oh, uh ok" Jersey walked up the stairs to the roof of red base to hear Grif and Simmons talking

"You know we really don't have much to do around here, I mean command is pretty useless most of the time we almost never get orders and we mostly just sit around and talk" Grif said to Simmons

"It doesn't mean you have to be so lazy all the time, you do nothing around here all you do is sit on your ass, eat everything, sit up here, or hide from Sarge to get out of work, seriously you are the most lazy person i've ever met of all-" Simmons was interuppted by Jacobs

"Excuse me are you two privates Grif and Simmons?" Jacobs asked the two

"um yes we are, and you are?" Simmons asked

"Corporal Jacobs I'm your new teammate, Sarge told me to introduce myself" Jacobs answered Simmons

"See Grif nothing to worry about" Jersey looked at simmons "oh, Grif was worried we'd get some weirdo as a teammate, I said it'd be a clueless rookie, but hey at least you aren't any of those"

"uhm... thanks?" Jacobs said

"Don't mention it, welcome to Blood Gulch Corporal, prepared to be bored, because this place is boring as hell!" Grif said yawning laying down "welp time to take a nap"

"Grif, get the hell up, you always take naps!" Simmons yelled at Grif

"so he's very lazy i'm guessing?" Jacobs asked

"Yea Grif is the laziest guy here, he doesn't do much, except irritating everyone in the base." Simmons replied

"I hate all of you" Grif said before taking a nap

"Huh, well I should probably claim one of those rooms, have fun with... this." Jacobs said

"oh, okay... see ya, um come back soon, heh" Simmons said desperate to talk to someone other than Grif

Jacobs walked down into red base claiming the closest room to the others, Jersey liked making friends or at least trying, he was gonna be here a while, opening the door the room had a bed with pillow, a ceiling light a shelf and a few other miscellaneous things "I can make this work"

Jacobs unpacked his stuff a few posters of games and things he liked a few other items and he felt at home at least a bit

Jacobs walked out of his room placing a name tag for his room on his door, he went back outside to Sarge who was currently on call with command, so Jacobs decided to explore the canyon a bit, but first after he walked away from the base he tapped his helmet "Hey I, you there?" and a little Cyan hologram appeared

"yup!"

**Alright that is the beginning of this fan-fic, what is Jersey/Jacobs's past, what made him a freelancer, these things will be answered in due time, and why does Jersey have an A.I., yea i'm changing a few canon things why?, because I don't want to re-tell the story exactly the same with one character there will be minor changes in this, and there will be a few flashbacks to his freelancer days throughout the story, it will make sense... eventually anyway see ya next time**


	2. Chapter 1

**Hey guys Jake here, welcome to chapter 1 of my fanfic, if you see any mess ups or want to give criticism or advice please tell me I'd love to improve, this is my first time actually writing a fanfiction, so i could really use some tips, it took most of a day straight of writing to do this, so any sloppiness may be attributed to lack of sleep after staying up late, and the fact i use a phone to write these I won't have a schedule so these chapters will just come out at random, so without further ado (hopefully) enjoy the chapter readers****.**

**09/04/2019: Remade script format parts to not be script as it's against 's rules.**

_Blood Gulch_

Jacobs and the Cyan A.I. stood in the middle of the Canyon

"What's the status on my old equipment I?"

"Inoperable"

"Damn, well that sucks, i'll fix it another time, for now, lets look around, this canyon is really big, hopefully something to do, log off I.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to be spotted, it will cause a bit of panic"

"Alright, Logging off Jersey"

"Thanks"

The blue hologram disappears and Jacobs began walking around the canyon

**_Hours later_**

"I stand corrected this place is super fucking empty, literally just 2 bases in the middle of a box canyon, great, can't complain at least the Project thinks I'm a sim trooper, I'll be safe here, for now."

Jacobs turned around and headed back to red base.

**_A few weeks later_**

Jacobs was on guard duty with Simmons and Grif, if you call taking a nap guarding, Jacobs turned to Simmons.

"God does anything ever happen around here Simmons?"

"For the most part... not really we tend to just sit around and talk, it's pretty inefficient, but we have nothing better to do."

"What about attacking the blues?"

"We wait till Sarge makes up a plan, watch that plan fail horribly, and then we go back to this."

"Huh... that actually makes some sense"

Simmons and Jacobs stood there again for a few minutes

Simmons turned to Jacobs

"Hey, where did you come from anyway, like where were you born?"

"I was born on a outer colony that was attacked by Aliens, when I got away from there, I went to Earth and lived in New Jersey, I don't remember what the colony was called."

Simmons just stared for a bit

"Huh... that kinda sucks, well how did you end up getting here"

"Well I was fresh out of money after getting to Earth, so I decided to enlist, I was placed in a specialized program that eventually after passing training shipped me here."

"That's cool, hmm... what was that program like?"

"...Lets just say, it was demanding, and not very pretty, maybe one day I'll tell you about it."

"Sounds rough."

"Yup... it was pretty bad... well anyway I think I'm gonna take a walk, you know clear my mind, want me to 'wake up' Grif?" Jacobs had a slightly malicious grin

"Sure go right ahead" Simmons got the same grin

Jacobs walked over to Grif sleeping, took out a pistol and shot right next to him, making Grif wake up startled making the two laugh

"AHHHH!!!... what, huh... I hate you-" Grif pointed at Jacobs "and you" Grif pointed at Simmons

"Yea sure lazy ass, keep watch while I go take a walk."

Jacobs jumped off the base, Grif got up

"And what if I don't?"

Jacobs looked at Grif

"I'll get you court marshaled for denying a direct order from a superior!"

"Oooh, he's got you there Grif" Simmons said with a smug smile

"Fine!"

Jacobs walked away to the cliff, getting the sniper he had on his back he laid down and took out the stand on the sniper, looking through the scope and aiming at blue base.

Through the scope he could see 3 soldiers, one regulation blue, one in aqua who was clearly Flordia/Flowers, and one in cobalt, he wagered that the one in cobalt was Alpha, he could hear what was going on, the Cliff was close the blue's base,

"Did they come out!? Tucker!" the Cobalt one asked.

"What!?" Tucker questioned not quite hearing the Cobalt one.

"Did it come out the other side!?" The Cobalt one repeated.

"Yeah, but they're all black and smoking! Maybe you've got it turned up too high!" Tucker answered.

"What're you talking about, I don't see a knob or anything on this thing. Hey, you think I could throw a grenade through here!?" The Cobalt one asked curiously.

"What, that would never work!" Tucker replied

Flowers/Florida interuppted them,

"Hey men, sorry to interrupt, would you mind huddling up fellas?" Flowers/Florida asked the two.

"Be right there, Captain Flowers." Tucker answered.

"How are you adjusting to the climate here on Blood Gulch, Private Church?" Flowers/Florida asked.

"Fine. Little warm, but, okay." Church answered.

"That's great." Flowers/Florida exlaimed, "You have any problems at all, you let me know." Flowers/Florida told Church.

"Umm... Okay." Church said. Tucker walked up to the two, looking at Flowers/Florida,

"What's up Sir?" Tucker asked.

"Sir, Tucker... I told you to call me Captain, or Cappy, er... I don't want silly things like rank to interfere with our team dynamic." Flowers/Florida said slightly disappointed that Tucker hadn't used the names he told Tucker to call him,

"You got it, Cappy." Tucker replied.

"I think I'm commanding the finest army, in all of Blood Gulch." Flowers/Florida stated.

"Isn't there only one other army, those red guys?" Tucker asked.

"Yeah, you know, the enemy?"Church elaborated.

"I'll tell you who your enemy is, gentlemen. Apathy. Passivity. Indifference. ...And yes, also those red guys." Flowers/Florida explained.

"Yeah I've been thinking about our orders from Command... uh, Cappy. And I gotta tell you, I don't think three guys is enough to stage such an elaborate offensive." Church explained.

"I think we should listen to this guy Captain, he seems to know plenty about being offensive." Tucker replied.

"Can it, shitbird." Church said to Tucker.

"See?" Tucker asked.

"Men your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me Daddy." Flowers/Florida told his team.

(God damn it Florida.) Jacobs thought.

"Uhm... thank God for the chain of command?" Church said confused.

"Now. I know you're worried about our mission. But I can tell you this. There's nothing, more important to me, than the safety, and well-being, of my men. Or my name, isn't Captain. Butch. Flowers." Flowers/Florida spoke to the two.

"Does that mean we all get Sniper Rifles?" Tucker asked.

"I'm gonna put in an order for yours tomorrow, Private Tucker. But I need to get some shut-eye first." Flowers/Florida told Tucker.

(Wow Florida, I wish I was on your team seems more interesting than the shitfest of boredom that is red base) Jacobs thought.

"Awesome. But it's like three-fifteen in the afternoon." Tucker said puzzled.

"You're forgetting about the time change, Tucker." Church replied.

"Oh yeah, it's like three-eighteen. Why the hell is daylight savings time here only three minutes?" Tucker questioned.

"Good question, Private Tucker." Flowers/Florida complimented "It'll have to wait for another day, some of us need our beauty sleep. Not everyone has your striking metrosexual good looks." Flowers/Florida told his team

"That's true." Tucker agreed, Flowers/Florida then walked away from them into the base.

(Huh that was an interesting conversation) Jacobs thought.

Jacobs angled the sniper so he could watch Flowers ,but then a second Church walked in, it was a little too far, but he could see Church? inject something into Florida, and he didn't look good,

(Oh no) Jacobs slid down the cliff and into blue base

"Florida!, Florida! hey man are you ok!" Jacobs yelled.

Church? ran off before he could question him.

Flowers fell over weakly looking at Jacobs.

"Hey Jersey,

"Aspirin, I was... allergic to aspirin... don't blame Alpha he was trying to... save me, hey Jersey, please... take care of the Alpha... make sure he stays out of trouble... you've been a good... buddy... goodbye... friend..." Flowers went limp.

"God damn it Florida, you were the best of us, you didn't deserve to die" Jacobs shed a few tears mourning his dead friend "I promise you buddy I'll do my best to fulfill your dying wish..." Jacobs sat there, one of his best and only friend he had here had just died in his arms... Jacobs sobbed,

Tucker came to see what all all the commotion "Holy Shit! what happened here, Captain? Flowers?, Cappy? are you ok?!" Tucker saw Jacobs mourning and just looked on "...what happened?"

Jacobs looked up at Tucker wiping his face getting up and staring at him "Allergies, he was my best friend, it was suppose to save him, but turns out he was allergic, I found him dying, look... look out for each other, you may not trust me, because I'm red ,but Flowers was my close friend for a long time... so please look out for each other, that's all I have." Jacobs grabbed his helmet and walked out.

Tucker looked at Jacobs leaving.

"And who are you anyways?"

Jacobs looked back

"...Jacobs."

Jacobs walked back to red base, putting on his helmet

Simmons saw him and yelled

"Hey Jacobs, how was the walk?!"

"...It was good..."

"...uh you don't sound ok... wanna talk about it?, Grif went back to sleep, because he's lazy, and Sarge isn't here right now, he's busy at command, we got all the freedom to talk, unless you don't want to!"

"I'm fine Simmons, thanks for asking!"

Jacobs went inside the base and into his room he sat down on his room's bed, then he opened a drawer and pulled out a picture, it was of several freelancers, A violet and green one, one in E.V.A. armor, a tan and silver one, a brown one with a weird helmet, a light blue one at a party, Jersey and Flowers had their shoulders over each other holding up a drink, it was in a black walled room of a ship with furniture and other things in the picture

Jacobs looked at the back of the picture on the back it said "We friends stick together, never forget the good times"

Sincerely

-Florida"

Jacobs began to tear up ,smiling at better times he took off his armor and looked at several pictures of him, Florida and other freelancers hanging out together, before coming to a last picture a group photo of all the well known freelancers he was next to Florida holding two magnums.

Jacobs gathered the pictures and placed them in a drawer

the cyan hologram appeared on Jersey's shoulder

"Hey Jersey.. are you... alright?"

"oh.. hey Iota, did you just come online?"

"...I... saw what happened, are you gonna be okay? I know you two were very close friends."

"Yeah Iota I understand. I'll be fine, Florida got me here don't think I'm gonna back out now."

"Alright Jersey... I'm always here for you, just... be careful... after everything i don't want to lose my friends either... so just hang in there Jersey."

Jacobs laughed a bit

"Iota, you've been a good friend even if you are just an A.I., I'm glad to have you."

**_A long time later_**

_Blood Gulch: Red Base_

Simmons and Grif stood at the top of Red base, Jacobs was behind the two also on duty

Simmons looked at Grif

"Hey?"

Grif looked at Simmons

"Yeah?"

"You ever wonder why were here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night."

Jacobs and Simmons stared at Grif

"...What???, I mean why are we out here in this canyon?"

"What even was that, Did you really think he mean't why are we here in the universe?"

"Hey, what's wrong with wondering about that"

"Nothing it just came out of nowhere, we are in the middle of a canyon with guns, and you're wondering about God?"

"Anyway... why are we here, as far as I can tell its just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, no way in, no way out, the only reason we have a red base here is because they have a blue base there, and the only reason they have a blue base there is because we have a red base here"

Jacobs turned to Simmons

"Well we are fighting."

",no, no, I mean even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base they'd now have TWO bases in the middle of a box canyon"

"Yeah why even are we fighting I think we all can agree we signed up to fight aliens, instead Master Chief is blowing up the Covenant armada, while all of us are fighting some random ass blue soldiers"

"That's what I'm saying, we are suppose to be defending shit not sitting around in the middle of nowhere."

Simmons glares at Grif

"Grif you wouldn't get up to defend a bag of chips much less defending cities and worlds"

Grif became a little angry "Hey what's that suppose to mean, I do stuff here!"

Jacobs and Simmons collectively laughed hard, Jacobs spoke first

"Yeah, sure Grif, whatever you say"

Simmons continued the conversation

"Anyway back to the topic, we don't gain anything from defeating them"

"Yeah talk about a waste of resources, we should go out there find new and intelligent forms of life, you know fight them"

"Yeah that's why they should put us in charge" Simmons sighed

"Ladies! Front and center on the double!" Sarge said from outside the base"

"Fuck"

"Be right there sir!"

All 3 of them jogged off the base to Sarge

"Hurry up Ladies this ain't no ice cream social"

"wait what?"Jacobs questioned

"Ice cream social?" Simmons questioned as well

"stop the pillow talk you three, alright, does anyone wanna take a guess of why i've brought you 3 here, today."

Grif was first to reply

"Is it because the war's over and your sending us home"

(Sarcastically)"That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're thebighero and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, Jacobs gets to give out the medals and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"

"I'm no stranger to sarcasm sir"

"Goddamnit private, shut up or I'll have one of these two slit your throat while you're asleep

"I'd do it too"

"Just give the order sir"

"I know either of you would. Good men... Couple of things, command has seen fit to further increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost #1"

Grif looked surprised "Crap we're getting another rookie"

Sarge swiftly replied"That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command."

Sarge turned around "Lopez, bring up the vehicle"

A warthog pulls up beside the group

Simmons:"Shotgun!"

Grif:..."shotgun!... Fuck!"

"I'm a Corporal, I outrank both of you shotgun seat is mine assholes"

Simmons and Grif: "Goddamnit!"

"It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog." Sarge proudly proclaimed

"...Why Warthog, sir?" Simmons asked

"Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation son."

Jacobs added on "And it sounds cool."

Sarge nodded in agreement

"I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig" Grif continued

Sarge waited a brief moment"...Say that again?"

Grif replied with "I think it looks more like a puma."

Sarge questioned "What in Sam Hell is a puma"

Simmons guessed "What, like the shoe company?"

Jacobs palmed his visor and got an idea and grinned

Grif corrected "No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion."

Sarge replied "You're making that up"

Grif insisted "I'm telling you, it's a real animal! Jacobs, you know what I mean, right?"

Sarge looked at Jacobs "Corporal, do you know what Private Grif is referring to?"

Jacobs grinned under his helmet "Sir, I have no idea what Private Grif is talking about I've never heard of a puma"

"WHAT?!" Grif yelled in response

"I would like both of you to poison Grif's next meal"

"Yes Sir" Simmons said in agreement

Jacobs nodded

Sarge went over to the Warthog and pointed at the tow hooks "Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?"

Grif replied with "A Walrus"

Sarge looked at Grif angrily "DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU TO STOP MAKING UP ANIMALS!"

"But I'm not!" Grif retorted

Sarge looked at Grif "Alright then how about we start brainstorming mythical names for the Jeep"

**_A few minutes later_**

"So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with the Warthog. How about it, Grif?" asked Sarge

Grif answered "No sir. No more suggestions..."

Sarge continued "Are you sure, what about Bigfoot?"

"it's okay" Grif answered

Sarge Continued meanwhile Jacobs was laughing in the background "Unicorn?"

Grif answered again "no really, I'm cool"

"Sasquatch?" Sarge listed more animals, Simmons joined in

"Leprechaun?"but Grif stopped him

"Hey man, he doesn't need any help"

Sarge kept going "Phoenix?"

Grif looked tired of it "Christ"

Jacob's looked at Grif "You brought this upon yourself relish in it, you lazy asshole."

Grif sighed

"Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.?"

Simmons answered "Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir."

"Hey Grif, Chupathingy! How about that? I like it. Gotta ring to it."

Jacobs laughed at the suggestions, knowing full well if he had just said what a puma was he wouldn't have to listen to this, but it was totally worth it

**_A few days later_**

The 3 normal sentries of the most useless place in the entire galaxy sat at their stations looking north of red base while Simmons and Grif argued

"Hey, that's not exactly what happened."

Grif retorted "Yes, it is. You said, 'I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant,' and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-"

A man in regulation red armor showed up and interrupted

"excuse me, uh, sirs?

"Sirs?"

All 3 of them looked back at the man in Reg. red armor

"ah crap" Grif realized the rookie had arrived

"I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge." The rookie continued

"Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today." Grif answered

Jacobs looked at Grif

"Grif... what is my rank?"

Grif looked at Jacobs

". . . why would I care?"

Simmons visor palmed

Jacobs continued

"When a CO is absent, the second in command is suppose to take over"

Grif replied

"Well you are not a second in command you are a Corporal."

Simmons just stared at Grif in disbelief

Jacobs Laughed "Grif you are a private, a Corporal is higher rank than a private, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT RANKS ARE?!"

Grif responded "Sure you're a Corporal no one else here is that makes you second in command, not like you can enforce it."

Jacobs just looked at Grif. "Grif after we are done, I'm gonna kick your ass."

Jacobs calmed down "anyways with that out of the way, why don't you introduce yourself?"

The rookie followed what he was told,

"Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens."

Jacobs just stood there before turning around and walking off the base, he had enough, now we've got a private named Donut."...You know what, Simmons, take over I need to take a walk, I think I've reached my full quota of ridiculous shit that happened to me this month."

Simmons was startled by this and responded with "Oh... ok,... uh be safe, see you in a bit!... ok donut-"

Jacobs went to the cliff to take a rest, he scouted the base with his trusty sniper he always had on base sentry duty

(Holy shit, they got a tank... why is someone wearing Florida's armor, Tucker I swear to god if you are using his armor ... and they have a new guy too, huh)

**_minutes later_**

(what the hell... where's Donut going... he's lost isn't he)

Donut starts walking all around the canyon before finding blue base

(oh... oh crap)

Radio sounds*

"Hey Simmons? Grif? did you guys haze Donut while I was gone?"

Simmons turned on his radio "Oh hey Jacobs... yeah we did, we told him to go get some elbow grease and headlight fluid."

Jacobs started laughing hysterically over the radio "Holy shit, and he fucking bought that? Oh my fucking god, I gotta see where this goes."

Jacobs turned off his radio.

Iota appears "Jersey, Shouldn't you stop Donut so he doesn't get hurt?"

"Iota, you've gotta get a sense of humor this is how funny stuff happens"

"Jersey this sounds like it could backfire, are you sure you wanna continue?"

"Iota... maybe you're right, but I think I'll take my chances what's the worst that could happen?"

Jacobs nonchalantly watches for a few minutes before seeing donut with the flag, he realized just how bad he jinxed it.

"Hey Iota?"

"Yes Jersey?"

"I jinxed it, I jinxed it bad!"

"I guess I should say I told you so?"

Jacobs got up and started running to the base.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Iota deactivate!"

"alright" Iota disappears

Jacobs gets on top of the base hearing 4 sniper rounds fire Grif had just spotted Donut with the flag and someone on the move

"Simmons get the warthog."

"You mean the puma?"

"Yeah keep making jokes that'll win the war"

Grif told Lopez "Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep."

"I'll take Gunner,Let's roll."

"I got shotgun!"

Music started playing from the radio

"How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?"

"Don't worry Lopez, I'll bring her back in one piece"

"So, never haze rookies, ever or this happens, ok?"

Grif and Simmons: "Agreed"

In a minute the warthog ran over a hill

Several people yelled

"WOOHOO!" Grif yelled.

" HOLY SHIT!, The jeep followed me back in time!" Tucker yelled.

"Son of a bitch!, RUN! JESUS! RUN" Church yelled.

Jacobs jumped out of the car with Grif as the blues ran behind the rocks

"That's right! That's right, I got your ass! Get off your ass and run, you cock bites! Right now! Yeah, not so pretty when you gotta run are you! Yeah, that's right! Stay there! You know where your flag is? We're gonna get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, Blue! Come on, get out there! I've got a whole barrel of love to shoot you with! Come on! Get out now! Yeah, come on out! I know you like this! Come out where I can get you! Come on! Don't be a wimp! Come on, Blue! Be tough, get out there!"

"How did you get the flag?" Grif asked Donut.

"I don't know, I just asked for it." Donut responded.

"Wait, that worked?" Grif asked in disbelief.

"I guess. Is it not supposed to?" Donut asked.

"I don't know, we.. never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there."

"Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go-"

"There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base! I'll explain everything there."

"Fine!"

Donut started running the wrong way through the Gulch.

"son of a- DONUT!" Jacobs yelled

"Huh, what?"

"Other way!" Jacobs pointed towards Red Base

"oh uh sorry just got turned around!"

Grif stared at Jacobs.

"...what?"

"I kinda thought you'd say more , normally you interrupt every other sentence"

"Grif, just gotta let some conversations happen."

"yeah, get going! Take that! I know you like that there! Come out! Come here! Poke your head up! Come on, Blue! Get your head out there!" Simmons yelled in the background while Grif and Jacobs watched.

"... hey Jacobs do you know how many bullets the warthog has?" Grif asked.

"I've seen lots of Warthogs Grif, but never have I once encountered a Warthog with no ammo, even I don't know how many bullets are in that thing"

**_a few minutes of nonstop jeep turret firing later_**

"Jacobs maybe we should sneak around the rock."

"actually that's not a bad plan Grif get Simmons's attention"

"Simmons. SIMMONS!" Simmons steps off the gun "-Christ that thing is loud!"

" ...WHAT?"Simmons yelled

"Grif I'm gonna stay here, you know to guard the Warthog you and Simmons go ahead"

"ok..., come on Simmons we're gonna sneak behind the rocks"

Jacobs yelled"Simmons! keep it down! Unless you want the blues to realize what's going on!"

Grif and Simmons went ran off to get behind the blues, Jacobs sat down behind the jeep turret out of view (well this went south fast hopefully back on track though) Jacobs thought

Suddenly Jacobs sees Grif running

"Grif what the hell are you doing"

"Run, Fucking Run!"

"wait, what?, Grif what do you mean, why?"

(in the distance) "Firing main cannon"

The jeep gets blown up, the blast sending Jacobs flying into air "SON OF A BITCH!, WHERE THE FUCK DID THE TANK COME FROM, THAT FUCKING HURT!" Jacobs was injured and couldn't really get up but he could see the tank chasing Grif and Simmons "I've gotta stop jinxing shit today."

the tank stops firing

"oh thank god!"

"Hey, rookie! Good job, man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?" Church yelled from the cliff.

_"__New target acquired."_

"Oh fuck no... oh fuck... oh no"

"Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man?"

"No, No, No, NO!"

_"Target Locked"_

Jacobs yelled "CHURCH GET OUT OF THE WAY RUN!!"

_"firing main cannon"_

The tank fires at Church, directly hitting him

"...Son.. of... a ... bitch"

Jacobs laid there until he heard the tank close by hearing it shoot the jeep at the red base, and basically everything going to hell, he eventually decided to see if he could call sarge until he heard

"Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sergeant-" Sarge started over the radio before Grif frantically interrupted,

"Oh my god, Sarge, is that you?" Grif asked frantically.

"Roger that, Private. I am currently in-bound to your position from Command.

Simmons:Sir this is Simmons.

Sarge:Hello, Simmons. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone.

Grif:Actually, sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie arrived, and somehow he managed to infiltrate the Blue Base, and now we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their(Sheila fires in the background)guys is dead, and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base.

.

.

.

.

"...Am I talkin' to the right base? If so where's the Corporal?" Sarge asked.

"Uh funny thing pretty sure he got killed when he was next to the warthog exploding in front of his face, now if you're done, if you don't help us WE ARE GOING TO DIE HERE!" Grif yelled over the radio.

"i'm just fine can you guys hear me?" Jacobs tried to talk over the radio, but no one seemed to hear him.

"Well then hold tight, boys. I think I gotta solution to your little "tank" problem." Sarge told them.

"I think that blast broke my radio's mic, great." Jacobs said in realization.

Jacobs can hear bombs dropping while looking at the tank, he can see them getting closer until he sees bombs about to hit the tank he sees two guys, one blue the other black running away, the last thing he saw and heard was,

"Hey Tucker look, this guy is sleeping!" the first voice told Tucker,

"Caboose, he's not sleeping he's dea- oh wait no he's just injured, and he got abandoned here, that sucks for him." Tucker said in pity.

"Tucker, maybe we should keep him and eventually replace Church!" Caboose suggested,

"That's a stupid idea Caboose" Tucker said before he looked at Jacobs body and realized who he was. "oh hey ,I remember this guy, he was our old Captain's friend, I mean, I guess we could try and help him, the least we can do considering it is our team who blew him up, Caboose, can you carry him?" Tucker asked.

Jacobs felt himself get picked up,

"Holy shit Caboose, you are really strong, alright we can help him as long as you don't kill him." Tucker told Caboose.

Then Jacobs blacked out.

**Ok, so I took the liberty of writing Iota as a kind, gentle, caring personality due to most of the time people say that this fragment was happiness or love, until next time and thanks so much for reading!**


	3. Chapter 2 (Re-made) Update

**Well thank you** **WargishBoromirFan for giving me the much required criticism I need, I appreciate it and thank you for telling me, I've learned not to use script format, and used quotations**, **and have almost completely remade the chapter, I hope you Love Chapter 2 V2.**

**Update: Thank you for all of the reviews and help, specifically 1 I would like to shout out** **besides Boromir who had given me crucial advice, the other reviewers I'd like to thank is MrGoodyTwoShoes **

**And a very special thanks to MadelVer here's my little response from me to you,**

**MadelVer: I appreciate you pointing that out, I'm way ahead of you regarding expanding Jacob's character, next chapter will have plenty of stuff including a few flashbacks and because season 2 of RvB is longer and better I'll be able to write some funnier stuff, and in general be great, also thanks for defending me, don't worry, I think that colorful collection of vocab the other guy did was funny to read, at least, though I'd wager it was pasted, it had no story describing words, it doesn't mention anything from the story that was problematic and in general feels out of place among this story's reviews. Thanks again sincerely Jake**

**Life and Chapter 3 Update: For those of you wondering Chapter 3 when? Well I am currently 5-10% finished season 2 is longer and school has started giving me less time to write it, but don't worry I won't give up on it, but just remember writing takes time, especially with writing a season in one chapter.**

_Blood Gulch: Blue base_

Jacobs slowly started to wake up.

"Ugh..., everything hurts."

"Tucker, Tucker! come here, that guy we brought back woke up, now we can talk to him and we can be friends!" Caboose said excitedly.

"Caboose, stop trying to make people your friends, you considered Church a friend and proceeded to blow him up with our tank, just like you did with this guy, except he survived." Tucker said annoyed.

Jacobs opened his eyes to see Tucker and Caboose looking at him.

"what happened?" Jacobs asked confused on why he was at Blue base.

"Oh Private Teamkill over here killed Church with a tank, after shooting you, your team thought you were dead, so we're letting you stay over here, and you know hopefully replace Church." Tucker explained.

"Yea, I found you barely awake on the ground, we thought you were sleepin-" Caboose said in his as usual excited voice.

"dead, we actually we thought you were dead." Tucker corrected.

"-,but you weren't, so we brought you here to wake up, so I can become friends with you." Caboose said excited to get a new best friend.

"Its actually because you knew Captain Flowers." Tucker again corrected.

"ugh...thank y-...wait a second... Tucker, where did you get that armor?" Jacobs questioned.

"oh... this, um," Tucker nervously replied.

"Wow! Really? You looted Flowers's body? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jacobs asked angrily knowing one of his best friend basically got grave robbed.

"Uh just a little..." Tucker answered again nervously.

Jacobs Sighed.

"Okay, fuck you. anyway thanks for not leaving me to rot there, did you contact command yet?" Jacobs kinda just ignored the looting, considering it wasn't the most important thing currently, asking a more important question.

"yea they are sending a freelancer here to help us." Tucker answered.

Jacobs groaned, (knowing a freelancer was. coming mean't someone from the Project, maybe Wyoming the British asshole, maybe Maine, wait maybe Washington, though after Epsilon he may be... not in the best condition) Jacobs mind raced, but focused on a better thing.

"...oh... grrrrrreat, hey can you get away from me for a bit?" Jacobs asked.

"um sure, come on Caboose!" Tucker motioned Caboose to follow him. down the base's ramp.

"Ok!" Caboose answered slowly following Tucker down the base's ramp.

"Ok...Iota? Still hanging in there?" Jacobs asked hoping Iota hadn't been damaged.

Iota's avatar appears glitching.

" Y-y-y-yes i'm st-t-till here Jersey." Iota answered glitchly.

"Thank god, thought I lost you," Jacobs said with a wave of relief now over him.

"alright, please run a Diagnostic Scan please?" Jacobs asked.

"Acknowledged

Scan starting...

25%...

50%...

75%...

Scan complete.

Suit Identification

Mark V Modified Armor

Helmet status:

Visor integrity: 78%

Structural integrity: 75%

Night Vision: Operational

Radio Receiver: Operational

Radio Microphone: Offline

Thermal Vision: Operational

Visor Zoom: Operational

Flashlight: Operational

Neural Implant: 87% Efficiency

Armor status:

Chest armor Integrity: 63%

Back armor Integrity: 76%

Power Cell status: 43%

Hardlight Shield Aegis: Offline

Healing Unit: Operational

Healing Unit Efficiency: 72%

Overall Integrity: Ok, repairs recommended

should I activate the healing unit, you're hurt Jersey." Iota asked, worry in her voice.

"Yeah that would be great, Iota estimate power after Healing Unit usage?" Jacobs asked hoping it wouldn't take much power

"Estimating... 30%." Iota answered.

"Alright go ahead, focus on the unit and disappear please." Jacobs replied not wanting anyone to know about Iota not for now.

"Alright Jersey, be careful." Iota replied worry still in her voice.

Iota disappears.

"Ok, time to get up" Jacobs said to himself.

Jacobs slowly stood up bracing on the pillars of the Blood Gulch roof, Jacobs tried standing up on his feet without support at first falling, but eventually being able to walk down the base to Tucker and Caboose and what looked like a ghost?

"(ghostly voice)Tucker... Tucker... " Church's ghost? slowly said.

"Who the hell are you!?" Tucker asked surprised by the sudden appearance of a ghost.

"I am the ghost of Church, and I've come back with a warning!" Church's ghost answered in a stereotypical ghostly ominous voice.

"You're not Church! Church is blue. You're white!" Caboose said innocently.

"Rookie, shut up, man! I'm a freakin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?..." Church asked.

"And the who the hell are you?!" Church asked pointing at Jacobs.

"Oh he was the other guy who got shot by the tank, but unlike you, he didn't die from it, so we carried him here." Tucker explained to Church.

"I feel like I've seen you somewhere before... wait a minute why the fuck did you bring a red?!" Church questioned.

"they're our enemies, he could be a spy or something!" Church yelled.

"Yea, sure, blown up by tank guy over there is a spy, all those wounds I had to bandage up must've been ketchup, and his armor being damaged must've been done before we saw his body get propelled into the air by the tank along with the jeep. Sounds flawless, great job Sherlock Holmes." Tucker said with just a hint of sarcasm.

" Ok maybe he isn't a spy, but you're helping the enemy, you know what nevermind, here's the deal: I've come back from the dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let-" Church continued only to be interrupted by Jacobs.

"Wait a fucking second, you guys called fucking Tex, are you insane?!" Jacobs asked sounding both scared and worried.

"Wait you know Tex?? When the fuck did you meet Tex?" Church questioned.

"It's a long story, I'm leaving it at that." Jersey stated.

"What's wrong with that?" Caboose innocently asked.

"Church please explain, you seem to know her." Jacobs prompted Church to explain knowing he could explain it better than him.

"Ok then, let me get back t-" Church began talking before being interrupted by Caboose.

"Wait is this gonna be the warning?" Caboose asked.

"God damn it Caboose, please, let me fucking talk, shut up!" Church yelled angrily.

"Ok!" Caboose said.

"Seriously, man. I mean, I'm coming back from the great beyond here. Do you think this is easy? It's not. It's not like, just, you know, pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration, Okay, here's the deal-" Church continued only for him to now be interrupted by Caboose.

"Is this the warning?" Caboose asked as innocent as ever.

"Are you fucking kidding me rookie? shut the fuck up, let me talk, fucking hell... I'm gonna kill you in your sleep if you keep interrupting" Church exploded some pent up rage.

"Yeah, shut up Caboose you're starting to annoy me too!" Tucker agreed with Church.

"Okay, Tucker. You remember that I told you that I was stationed on Sidewinder before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch, right?" Church asked

"No?" Tucker answered

"I've been there, its like the coldest day on earth X 100, all the time every day, of every year." Jacobs answered from experience

"Yea it was really fucking cold" Church replied.

"Wait is that it?" Caboose asked

"What do you want from me? A poem? It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's really.. fuckin'.. cold." Church explained.

"Will you just let him talk?" Tucker asked Caboose.

"Alright, well..." Church paused for a moment making sure he wouldn't be interrupted again.

"One day, when I was there, everything was just like normal. I remember.. I was out on patrol with my partner, Jimmy. That Jimmy was a real good kid. Everybody liked him." Church explained

"Do you think I was a good kid, Church?" Tucker asked Church

"Tucker, don't get jealous, man. Just listen to the story, okay? Like I said, the guys were hanging around, waiting for some action, bitching about the cold, Jimmy was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home. And that's when Tex showed up. Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when all of sudden he started screaming bloody murder...The whole thing was over before it even started. Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head, and beat him to death with it." Church explained the horrible incident at Sidewinder.

in unison Tucker and Jacobs said

"Wait, I know Tex but even I haven't seen her pull someone's skull out of their head and beat them to death with it-" Jacobs said with surprise

"Wait a second.. how do you beat someone to death with their own skull?" Tucker asked

"That doesn't seem physically possible!" Jacobs said both confused how she did that and surprised why she would do that.

"That doesn't seem physically possible!" Tucker said not believing that was possible

Both confused on what occurred looked at each other

"That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming. Bottom line is, these Freelancers, they're bad news, and Tex is one of the worst." Church answered

"If he's such a bad-ass, why didn't he kill you?" Caboose inquired

(If only you knew what Church really was you'd understand why, but that doesn't make sense, he's the Alpha, he has only been on Sidewinder once... oh... Implanted memories... that makes a lot of sense.) Jacobs thought being now the only one in this canyon who knew the truth.

"To tell ya, I don't know why I'm not dead. Could of killed me at any point. ...But maybe it's because Tex and I have run into each other once before." Church answered, Jacobs listened ,and so did Tucker.

"Where?" Tucked asked wondering.

"You, uh.. you remember that girl I told you about, back home? Well, let's just say that Tex is the real reason why we never got married. Guys, I'm fading fast, and I don't know when I'll be back. Just listen to my warning. Don't let Tex get involved here." Church finished up before starting to fade away.

"Okay." Tucker answered halfheartedly.

"I mean it, Tucker. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it..." Church clarified as he disappeared.

Tucker came to the conclusion. "So..! Tex and Church were after the same girl."

"I told you his girlfriend was a slut." Caboose answered earning a look from Jacobs, who did not wanna know what he mean't, before correcting them

"Uh no Tex wasn't after the same girl as Church"

"How would you know?" Tucker questioned

"I just said I know who Tex is. and..." Jacobs stopped part way through.

"you know what, I'm just gonna let you find out yourselves." Jacobs said not wanting to spoil the surprise that would be.

Behind the 3 of them was Tex

Tex fired a round in the air getting the 3 of them's attention

All 3 of them turned around

Jacobs smiled under his helmet

"..so uh you're Tex I assume?" Tucker asked intimidated by the person he assumed was a guy's black armor and intimidating aura.

Tex nodded.

"Well unless anyone else does? No? I guess I'll explain the situation then" Tucker said being visibly hesitant to explain.

Caboose walked back behind Jacobs.

"He scares me." Caboose said scared.

**_A few minutes later of explanation_**.

"-that's basically it, sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep." Tucker finished.

"And your flag." Tex said unemotional with a voice filter.

Tex reloaded her weapon.

"Right, that too." Tucker weakly said pitying what he was watching.

Tex threw a grenade at something.

"Uh, Tex? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here. We kinda need them to... win?" Tucker weakly said hesitant to argue with Tex, but not wanting anyone else dead.

Caboose had several bullet holes all around him.

"Somebody help me I'm scared!" Caboose said looking like he was scared out of his mind.

"It's ok buddy." Jacobs leads Caboose away from Tex

"So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see. Were you in the Special Forces at some point?" Tucker asked trying to make small talk.

Jacobs came back after getting Caboose 20 feet away from Tex.

Tex looks at Tucker before reloading and looking at Jacobs, pointing at him

"You, come with me" Tex said

Tex walked away and Jacobs follows.

"Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you two later?" Tucker asked.

Once the two of them were far away from the base Tex turned off her voice filter.

"Alright, explain to me what the actual hell are you doing here Jersey, and what happened to your armor it looks like shit" Tex asked in her normal voice which hadn't lost it's both intimidating yet if known comforting effect.

"Its good to see you too Tex, welp, lets begin the story, A few months ago while I was lying low, I got a call from Florida, he asked me if I wanted a place where I wouldn't have to worry about the Project finding me, I said yes, he got me here, my name was listed as Raymond Jackson instead of my real name Ray Jacobs, he got me placed on red team whe-" Jacobs explained before Tex interrupted him.

"Hold on, why did Florida help you, he was one of the freelancers who stayed loyal to the project." Tex asked confused.

"Well he was loyal to the project but he did know what the Director had done was wrong, he must've been told because the director trusted him." Jacobs guessed.

"Alright ,but why did he choose you?" Tex asked.

"Tex, you remember me and Florida were always very good friends, if I had to guess, out of all the people he trusted I guess he trusted me the most." Jacobs answered happy that Florida probably considered him that.

"That makes sense" Tex said satisfied with the answer.

"where's Florida anyway,I probably should say hi to him and thank him for keeping you out of trouble."

Jacobs put down his head and shook it

"it was a month or two ago, I was scouting out blue base one day," Jacobs began explaining grimly trying to keep himself from getting emotional. "Florida went to take a nap, he got injected by someone who was trying to save him, except he had an allergic reaction to it, I ran down to help him, but... I was too late, he told me to take care of his men, after that he died." Jacobs finished explaining barely able to hold together.

Tex pulled out her pistol.

"Can you tell me who did it? ,Because he may not have been the best agent ,but he was a good guy, so please show me where this asshole is so I can blow their brains out." Tex said slightly angered by the thought that Florida was killed, he was a great guy.

Jacobs sighed before answering to his best ability "It was an accident, looked kinda like Church, but he was gone before I could question him"

Tex lowered her weapon, turning away from Jacobs, she had failed to protect someone again, even if he was loyal to Freelancer, Florida was a good person who'd check up on her, no matter how many times she said to leave her alone, he'd always try. She tried to relax before continuing

"Damn it, he was a great guy, well what happened to you?" Tex asked concerned,

"it looks like someone blew you up with a tank" not knowing how accurate that was.

Jacobs chuckled knowing Tex just accidentally answered her own question without knowing it.

"alright so a little while ago, a rookie on red team managed to grab the flag, Church chased after him, I met up with 2 guys named Grif and Simmons from red team, we got in a warthog and ambushed Church and another blue, we kept them behind rocks with suppressing fire before Grif had the idea to go around the rocks, while they left I stood guard, I didn't notice the auto-firing tank that was about to blow up the jeep, I was caught in the blast, those two blue guys patched me up a bit, if I hadn't been patched up I would've bled out."

"Wow that sucks... wait how the hell are you walking around so soon after that, you are lucky to have survived, but even I can't take a blast that close to me if I were right next to an exploding jeep that's been shot at by a tank, I'd be down for a while..." Tex thought for a second thinking how he was already walking, then she realized something.

"unless... wait a second, Jersey? Do you still have your A.I.?"

Jacobs chuckled again, "Yup, right on the money, I still have Iota, hey Iota, say hi to Tex."

Iota's avatar appeared sitting on Jacobs's shoulder.

"Hi Tex!" She said, happy to see Tex after many years.

"Hey Iota! It's been a while, it's good to see you, has Jersey taken good care of you?" Tex asked like a concerned and happy parent, a very lethal parent mind you, but still happy and concerned.

"Yup, we've been doing great!" Iota happily answered.

Jacobs jumped in.

"Wait... Tex?" Jacobs got a bit tense,

"Do you still have him?" Jacobs asked worried.

"Oh...you mean Omega?... Yes I do still have him, I've been trying to get him away, but still hasn't worked." Tex said in a defeated tone.

"Anyway, I need to get the flag back" Tex went back to her normal tone before beginning to walk away.

"Well alright... and Tex?" Jacobs asked.

Tex looked back at Jacobs.

"Do not kill any of the reds, they're my friends." Jacobs said in a serious tone, he might not like Grif, but they were still his team and his responsibility.

Tex continued on her way

Jacobs used his visor's zoom to watch the reds, for a minute he could see Grif, Simmons, and Donut talking, before seeing something blue thrown, landing on Donut's head

"Goddamnit Tex" Jacobs said to himself angry that Tex still did that, he looked at Tex she waited until Donut's head exploded both Grif and Simmons yelled.

"Son of a Bitch!"

Jacobs looked down in time to see Tex run into Red base, Jacobs ran after her into red base finding Tex in the center, unaware that Jacobs was behind her, Lopez tapped Jacobs shoulder, Jacobs waved before motioning Lopez to stay quiet, Lopez nodded in agreement.

Sarge also came from the front saying,

"Freeze."

Tex turned around only to be met with a magnum pistol hitting her in the head knocking her out, Sarge stood there realizing who knocked out the intruder.

"Told you not to kill my friends." Jacobs said slightly angered by Tex probably killing Donut.

"Wait a Second, Corporal! Where did you come from, Grif told me you were blown up by a Tank, all of us thought you were dead!"

Sarge stated shocked that Jacobs was even standing there

Jacobs thought of a good story,

"Well Private Lazy Ass didn't bother to check my body, and I was stuck there until I used pure willpower to stand up come here and bash an intruder's head in for messing with my teammates, not even a tank will stop me from helping my team!" Jacobs said as proudly as he could.

Sarge looked at Jacobs you couldn't see it ,but Sarge felt proud of that mostly fake story.

"Son, that was a damn fine story, If you hadn't come helped us well, maybe this guy would've took me hitting him with my rifle and might've even come after me, thank you Corporal, I'm glad to have a committed soldier such as yourself under my command." Sarge said proudly

Sarge walked out of the base, once he was out of view, Jacobs turned back to face Lopez smiling before saying

"Hey Lopez, you know how bullshit that story was?"

Lopez nodded in Agreement

"Yea, actually the blues saved me, thank fuck , I'm gonna kick Grif's ass next time I see him." Jacobs admitted knowing Lopez, even though he was a robot with no voice was a pretty smart and chill guy, so he trusted him.

Sarge came back into the base,

"Corporal! Me and lopez got this covered, you can go help Don-" Sarge began to say before Simmons ran in frantically.

"Sarge! We need to get Donut air-lifted outta here." Simmons said with a worried tone. Sarge looked at Simmons before responding.

"Simmons...,Could you put that in a memo and entitle it 'Shit I already know!' Get on the horn with Command!"

Simmons looked at Jacobs realizing he was looking at someone who he thought was dead.

"Wait a minute, Jacobs?! What the hell?! I thought you were dead! Grif said you were killed, he said ,he saw you explode and checked your body!" Simmons explained surprised to say the least that Jacobs was alive. Jacobs faced Simmons

"Oh he did huh?, hey Sarge, Simmons, and Lopez, would you like a front row seats to me 'thanking' Grif for that?" Jacobs said with a malicious tone, thinking of ways to kick Grif's ass.

Sarge chuckled

"Alright, sounds like fun."

Lopez nodded in agreement

"I'll make the popcorn!" Simmons said, being glad Grif might actually get what's coming to him.

Grif walked in noticing Sarge and Simmons chuckling

"uuuuuhm... what's up guys?" Grif asked nervously.

"ooooh hey Grif, 'Checked my body' huh?" Jacobs repeated.

Grif stared at Jacobs before responding,

"Oh, hey Jacobs... you're looking... good for someone... who got shot by a tank... Heheh... hehhhhh, you're gonna kill me aren't you?" Grif asked nervously

"We'll talk about it later." Jacobs replied.

Tex begins waking up, Sarge was the first to take notice,

"Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup." Sarge said confidently.

Sparks flew out of Tex's suit, before the voice filter went haywire and broke.

"Oh great... You broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!" Tex said angrily.

"Ah Ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big!" Grif loudly proclaimed. Jacobs then turned to Sarge,

"Hey Sarge I've got basic medical knowledge, I'm gonna try and stabilize Donut, sir can I request that you call command for airlift?" Jacobs asked.

"Your request will be granted, now make sure the rookie doesn't die, the man got the flag, no matter the method, so we must save our man!" Sarge ordered.

Jacobs ran up the ramp to Donut,

"Ok Donut hang in there, if you can hear me focus on staying conscious, I'm gonna focus on increasing your survival chance" Jacobs said hoping Donut was conscious.

**_A few minutes later_****_._**

_Blood Gulch: Blue base_

"I never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married." Church finished dropping the bombshell.

"She?" Caboose confusingly asked,

Tucker then realized what Jacobs mean't earlier, "Oh... fuck that's what Jacobs mean't by Tex wasn't after the same girl! Let me get this straight... You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of Caboose and I, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?" Tucker asked.

"In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary." Church answered

"I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me." Caboose commented.

"Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you." Tucker added.

"I like me..." Caboose said sounding slightly sad.

_Blood Gulch: Red Base_

A pelican airlifted Donut.

"Well good thing we don't have to worry about him now." Jacobs sighed before hearing Sarge yell,

"HEY, CORPORAL, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO REPAIR CARS?! I'M SURE LOPEZ COULD USE YOUR HELP!" Sarge yelled.

"Sir! I'm sorry, but I need to do recon!" Jacobs lied, he was actually pretty good at repairs, but needed to check on the blues, so he downplayed himself "Lopez is probably much better at it than me anyway! Is that fine?" Jacobs asked.

Sarge considered it for a minute before nodding and replying. "Alright that's fine!"

Jacobs Started running back to blue base

Once Jacobs got close he heard the conversation going

"-It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements." Church finished.

"Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper." Tucker sarcastically added.

Church made sure that Caboose understood by asking him,

"So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?"

"I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!" Caboose attempted to piece together what he could understand.

"Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot." Church answered sarcastically.

Jacobs climbed up to the roof

"Hey guys I'm back" Jacobs said

"Dude! Where the fuck have you been? What were you doing for so long! Did you and Tex have fun... Bow-chicka-bow-wow!" Tucker joked and his prize, one free punch in the helmet by Jacobs.

"Ow! What the fuck, take a joke man!" Tucker said in pain

Jacobs turned to look at Church,

"So Tex is captured, what are we gonna do?" Jacobs asked.

"Well don't worry because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex." Church answered.

"A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?" Tucker said voicing stupid complaints about plans.

"I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring Tex." Church clarified.

"...Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like 'decoy.' " Caboose added.

"The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base. Jacobs, can you watch from a far and tell me how the mission is going" Church explained.

"Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?" Tucker asked.

Jacobs looked at the teleporter.

"Tucker, only one thing coats things in black in this canyon" Jacobs said pointing at the teleporter.

Church and Tucker looked at the teleporter

"Oh... Fuckberries." Tucker said realizing he had to go through that again.

_Blood Gulch: Middle_

Tucker comes out of the teleporter, Near the entrance Church and Jacobs waited

"Are you okay, Tucker?" Church asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Come on, Caboose!" Tucker yelled to Caboose on top of Blue base next to the teleporter.

"Does it hurt?!" Caboose asked not wanting to get hurt.

"No, not at all!" Tucker answered, reassuring Caboose.

"Okay! Here I come!" Caboose yelled before going through the teleporter.

"Does it hurt for real?" Church questioned.

"Ohh, yeah. Big time." Tucker revealed.

"Tucker has anyone ever told you, that you are kind of an asshole?" Jacobs said

"Fuck off Jacobs" Tucker responded.

Caboose Walked through the teleporter, emerging in black armor

"Owchie!" Caboose said in pain.

Caboose looked at Tucker

"You lied to me." Caboose said angrily.

"Caboose ,are you ok?" Jacobs asked

"It burns a bit, but it could be worse, thanks for checking on me buddy." Caboose answered happy that someone cared.

"It's no problem Caboose, someone has to look out for you." Jacobs answered being happy to help. "Alright you two go over to red base me and Church will be on the cliff, right Church?"

"Yes." Church confirmed

**_A few minutes later_**

"Hey, Tucker. Come in, man. You there? This is Church and Jacobs. It's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base."Church updated Tucker

"His name is Grif, he's really fucking lazy, like when I got hit by the tank, Grif was so lazy he didn't bother to check my body and jumped to me being dead without even looking at my body, after stuff settles i'm gonna kick his ass." Jacobs explained still angry as all hell at Grif.

"Oh hell yea, I'm gonna watch that beatdown, sounds like fun ,ok let me continue, we'll talk later." Church said

"Deal." Jacobs agreed

"Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention... I said, just keep movin-" Church was interuppted by Tucker and Caboose on the other line

(over radio)"I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said 'hi' later. No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?" Tucker explained to Caboose while Jacobs and Church stood there in silence...

Jacobs palmed his visor.

"Oh my god. I can't believe I actually died for this war." Church said in a disappointed and sad tone.

"I can't believe I even joined this war...what the hell is Caboose doing... he's just standing there in front of the rock." Jacobs said looking at Caboose just standing in front of a rock,

"God fucking damn it Caboose." Church said frustrated, Church leaves the cliff to go rescue Tex.

"There we go, Church..., where'd Church go..." Jacobs stood alone on the cliff "wow we need a bell for him, just appears and disappears no sound at all" Jacobs

"huh he went inside Sarge... this'll be fun to watch" Jacobs said before getting an idea,

turning on the radio's audio reciever.

"Sir, are you okay?" Grif asked

"Uh, who you talking to, Red? Me?" Obviously Church was not doing a good Sarge impression.

"God, this is gonna be hilarious, I'm recording this shit." Jacobs said while laughing.

"No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding." Grif said sarcastically.

"Hey, what'd I tell you about that?" Grif asked

"Oh, uh I-I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, god damn Blues out here. They got me so god damn mad, I could spit!" Church said before proceeding to spit inside the helmet

"Wow... just wow, this is fucking both an awful impression, and hilarious impression."

"Agreed." Iota said appearing on Jacobs shoulder

"See Iota, isn't this fun?" Jacobs asked the little Cyan A.I.

"I find it funny." Iota answered

"...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?" Grif asked weirded out by what had just occurred.

"Uh, yeah. I guess I did." Church said trying to act natural.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Grif asked.

"Go ahead." Church allowed.

"That's really fucking gross." Grif stated

"yes it is, glad the mic is broken at least I can listen without being heard" Jacobs said still laughing

"Hey, man. What's up, yo?" Church said attempting to be... I don't fucking know, something?

"smooth." Jacobs sarcastically said

"Uh... hey...? What's going on out there, sir?" Simmons asked.

"What's, uh.. why nothin'. Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?" Church said trying to act cool?

"Wow he sucks at this." Jacobs stated.

"I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war." Simmons stated.

"Yeah, well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there ..other Red guy. So I'ma keep my eye on you." Church continues his attempt at a Sarge impression.

"you've gotta be fucking kidding me!, this is Gold!" Jacobs said laughing even more now.

"Sarge, I'm starting to think that-" Church bashed Simmons head in.

"Ow, geez, the back of my head!" Simmons saisaid in response.

"Wow... smooth job bud" Jacobs said with more sarcasm.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Tex asked

"Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you." Church said in Sarge's best Church impression, which still was awful.

"You're kind of short to be Church." Tex replied suspiciously.

"What? Oh yeah, right. The armor." Church said before getting out of Sarge's body.

"Hurk! What in Sam Hell? Where the- Who spit on my visor?" Sarge asked confused on what the hell was going on.

"I'm sending this straight to the internet, I could make a record breaking long running web-series with at least 17 seasons and several miniseries, maybe even a company, just by following these guys around, I'd call it Blue vs Red" Jacobs said all while laughing.

"Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter." Church explained in the best way he could.

"I wonder if Tex knows about him being the Alpha." Jacobs said to himself.

"...Okay." Tex nonchalantly answers, this response causes Jacobs to turn off the receiver and laugh

"Yea, she knows." Jacobs assumed that due to the fact that Tex was actually his bunk mate in Project freelancer, when he first got on the project, he was told he'd have a bunk mate, but no one was occupying the right side of the room, he had the left, until the day Tex showed up, when he went in his room that night, he saw Tex was his bunk mate, sitting on the bed opposite to his overtime he had gotten to know Tex and he knew that she most likely did not believe in ghosts.

"Yea it's pretty obvious, comparing the Alpha A.I. to Church, most freelancers will quickly realize they are too similar not to be the same person, and we both know Tex, she was our bunk mate for a pretty long time, I'd think we'd know if she thought ghosts were real." Iota evaluated from what she knew about Tex and the Alpha A.I.'s personality.

Jacobs decided to go check on Tucker and Caboose slides down the cliff rolling and sneaking over to the rock the two of them were at.

"Hey Tucker, hey Caboose, how's it going over here?" Jacobs asked.

"oh hey Jacobs, we're just sitting here, waiting... Caboose what the hell are you doing?" Tucker asked Caboose who had a Sniper rifle.

"One of the Reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends." Caboose explained.

"Oh, come on. You don't actually believe any of that, do you?" Tucker asked.

"Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends." Caboose takes aim at Sarge's head

"Wait did he say Red guy... WAIT CABOOSE THATS-" Jacobs tried to warn Caboose that it was probably Church but it was too late, Caboose shot Sarge in the head.

"SARGE, SHIT, CABOOSE YOU JUST SHOT CHURCH AGAIN!, FUCKING HELL MAN, SOMEONE TAKE HIS GUNS!" Jacobs screamed while getting up and running over to Sarge and trying to assess the damage.

"Sarge, hey Sarge! Are you ok? ok, come on, CPR and bandages don't fail me now" Jacobs said hoping that Sarge's brain hadn't been turned into a brain soup, he went to work.

Jacobs took Sarge's helmet off and began bandaging up his head which had a substantially sized hole in it, to hopefully soak up some blood, and begins CPR.

Simmons and Grif run over while Tex hand already moved away from the scene.

"What happened?!" Simmons yelled.

"He got shot in the head!" Jacobs answered while doing CPR.

"Holy shit, why isn't he bleeding more?" Grif asked.

"Because I have bandages to soak it up." Jacobs answered.

After 2-3 more minutes of CPR, Sarge finally begins breathing on his own.

"HOLY SHIT IT WORKED! Sarge is breathing!, Thank god it wasn't a direct hit or his brain would be mush, no saving that" Jacobs yelled being happy he had just saved someone from death.

Sarge started to wake up saying.

"There. Wait... What happened here?" Sarge asked confused on what happened.

"Jacobs here bandaged up your head and gave you CPR." Simmons answered.

"Well I couldn't do much else, it was the best I could do, I have only a basic knowledge of medical care." Jacobs said.

"Well I'll be damned, good job Corporal, I'm proud of you, you've cheated death, and now you've given it the middle finger and saved me from death." Sarge said proudly before asking "What about you Simmons did you do anything?"

"Sorry sir, I couldn't help much, neither of us are medics, and Jacobs seemed to know what he was doing." Simmons explained.

"Its fine Simmons, I understand." Sarge said

"The good thing is, you're alive, sir." Jacobs said.

"You got that right Corporal!" Sarge responded happily.

"also Grif!" Sarge yelled.

"What?" Grif asked.

"I had bullet wound to the head and the first thing you say is, why isn't he bleeding more?! What in Sam Hell kind of question is that?!" Sarge yelled at Grif, being very angry that not only did Grif not do anything, he instead thought to ask why he wasn't bleeding more like it was a good question.

**_A long while later_**

Grif, Donut, Simmons, and Jacobs are on top of red base

Jacobs is laughing at Donut's armor

"Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got the Blue flag, they gave me my own color armor!" Donut said happily

"Yup... we noticed." Jacobs said quietly trying not to burst out laughing from Donut's new armor.

"Uh... hey, Donut?" Grif asked.

"What?" Donut replied.

"Um, about your armor..." Simmons said awkwardly.

"What about it?" Donut asked obliviously.

"How do I put this... Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... Grif, uh, you wanna help me out here?" Simmons tried to find words other than that to describe his armor color, but failed to.

"It's pink. Your armor is frickin' pink!" Grif said what everyone was thinking.

"Yeah, that's it. Pink." Simmons agreed.

"Yup... and its fucking hilarious" Jacobs agreed as well

"Pink? My armor's not pink!" Donut said denying it was.

"PINK." Grif said again.

"Yeah, definitely pink." Simmons agreed again.

"Donut, come on its pink man" Jacobs agreed again too.

"You guys are color-blind. Why would they give me pink armor?" Donut asked.

"Hey, don't ask, don't tell." Grif said before beginning to laugh meanwhile Jacobs had begun laughing even harder.

"Heh, that's not funny." Simmons said

"Come on Simmons, admit its pretty fucking funny" Jacobs said.

"It's a little funny." Grif replied.

"Look at it, it's not pink. It's like, uh.. a 'lightish red'." Donut said, denying it was pink.

"Guess what? They already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called? Pink." Grif replied

"I hate you guys." Donut replied

"Well hello, dirtbags. ...and a fine hello to you, madam." Sarge said with a smirk.

"It's LIGHT red." Donut kept insisting.

"Don't get your panties in a wad there, Barbie. Do you have a package for me?" Sarge asked.

"Yes sir." Donut replied.

"Excellent." Sarge happily said.

Donut held up a speech unit.

"They said this speech unit should work with Lopez." Donut explained.

"Speech unit?" Grif asked.

"Here you go." Donut handed Sarge the Speech unit.

"Affirmative. Command was fresh out of speech modules when I started building Lopez, but once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to. ...No offense, Corporal and Simmons." Sarge explained.

"Oh, don't worry, we know who you meant, sir." Simmons replied.

"Yeah we got the memo Sarge" Jacobs agreed.

"Wait a second.. Lopez is a robot?" Grif asked not knowing until now.

"What the h- WHAT DID YOU THINK HE WAS?!" Jacobs questioned.

"I thought he was just a normal guy." Grif answered.

"You didn't notice that he never talks?" Simmons asked.

"I just thought he was a really quiet guy." Grif answered

"And the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks motor oil didn't get your attention?" Sarge asked.

"Well I-I did think the motor oil thing was a bit odd... Uh, I just thought he was trying to impress me." Grif answered.

"Grif... that really isn't a very high bar with you." Jacobs added.

"Fuck off Jacobs" Grif said angrily.

"Hey, sir. You really should ground yourself before handling that card." Simmons tried to help Sarge.

"How come?" Sarge asked.

"Because static could damage the card." Simmons replied.

"Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets.And I suppose Pop Rocks and soda's gonna make my stomach blow up!" Sarge inserted the card and static shocked him. "Yow!"

"Sarge? You ok?" Jacobs asked.

"I'm fine Corporal." Sarge replied

"Sir. I won't say I told you so, sir." Simmons replied being a kiss ass as always.

"Good. I'd hate to make Strawberry Shortcake here my new favorite Private." Sarge replied.

"It's not pink, it's lightish red!" Donut yelled.

"Donut, its pink, don't deny it!" Jacobs replied.

Donut once again denys his armor's color is pink, "It's not Pink!, what happened to me anyway? I recall something about a spider on my head?" Donut questioned.

"Right. That was a grenade." Grif replied

"And the last thing I remember.. is a loud bang.. and then Simmons fainting..." Donut began recollecting what happened.

"Ha! Told you so!" Grif yelled at Simmons.

"I did not faint. Jacobs? did you see me faint? I was knocked out by the intruder right?" Simmons asked.

"...No I was watching the intruder, and they went in the front entrance... so yea you fainted."

"What? No, I didn't faint!" Simmons denied.

"Done and done." Sarge said, promting everyone to look at Lopez and Sarge, "Lopez. Activate speech unit!" Sarge ordered.

"Hopefully his speech unit doesn't malfunction due to that static" Jacobs said, hopping that Lopez could finally talk to him without having to write things down.

"Buenos días. Y gracias da por activar mi función del discurso. Soy el número de modelo cero uno cero uno uno tres cuatro ocho ocho dos tres. [Good morning. And thank you for activating my speech function. I am the model number zero one zero one one three four eight eight two three.]" Lopez said in Spanish

"called it," Jacobs said out loud before looking at Sarge and patting him on the back, "but that's not your fault Sarge everyone makes mistakes" he said to Sarge.

"Am I the only one not understanding any of this?" Donut asked.

"Me llamo López. [My name is Lopez]" Lopez introduced himself in Spanish.

"Lopez, he just said Lopez! I understood that. I can speak Spanish!" Grif yelled.

"Lopez, speak English." Sarge ordered.

"Mi procesador de inglés ha funcionado mal.Se habla solamente español. [My English processor has malfunctioned. I speak only Spanish.]" Lopez replied, this prompted Jacobs to groan and visor palm.

"Huh, I think you shorted out his speech unit with that static, sir." Simmons stated.

"Maybe Princess Peach here picked up the wrong model." Sarge said trying to shift the blame.

"Seriously, dude. For the last time: Not pink." Donut again denied.

"Donut... just face it, its pink." Jacobs said before giving up.

"Lopez. I order you to speak a language we understand." Sarge ordered again.

"Negative. [Negative]" Lopez replied.

"Well this is just dandy. Lopez, HOW - DO - WE - FIX - YOUR - SPEECH - U-NIT?" Sarge asked really slowly.

"Why are you talking so slow? He understands us just fine. Maybe you should try listening slower." Grif said.

"Lopez, would you like to shoot Grif?" Sarge asked, in response, Lopez raised his gun

"Sí señor. Gracias." Lopez answered, not really needing to be translated, it was obvious what he said.

"uh lets get this out of the way, does anyone here speak any spanish?" Jacobs asked while Grif ran away.

"Nope." Sarge replied.

"No." Simmons replied.

"High School Spanish, so very badly." Donut answered.

"Lopez say a phrase." Jacobs asked.

"(I am not gonna translate all this shit from English to Spanish)[Wait Jacobs can you speak and understand Spanish?]"

"Yes? Why Lopez?" Jacobs asked.

"[Then translate what I say]" Lopez stated.

"Lopez that would become pretty annoying after a while wouldn't it plus they don't care most of the time" Jacobs explained.

"[I can understand that, at least I'll have one person I can talk to normally]" Lopez replied.

"Have fun standing around and talking I'm gonna find something to do" Jacobs said, he walked through the canyon, seeing Blue Base he approached Tex, Church, Tucker, and Caboose.

"You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor." Church told Tex.

"Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now." Tex replied.

"No, you can't! I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!" Church told her.

"Stop it! Stop fighting. Can't you see that you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US?" Caboose saying sadly,

"Um what is going on over here?" Jacobs asked confused.

"These two are having relationship issues." Tucker answered.

"What about you?" Tex asked resuming the argument.

"We helped you too. And what do we get? Nothing!" Caboose yelled.

"Well yeah, but..." Tex started, trying to think of an excuse, before Church cut her off.

"Yeah, but nothin'. He's got a point." Church replied.

"I did help you get the flag back." Tex retorted.

"You were paid to do that, the Blues rescuing you was a favor." Jacobs jumped in to help defend them.

"you're the reason I was knocked out!" Tex Yelled at Jacobs

"Well, that's your fault, I specifically said NOT to kill my friends, you threw a Sticky grenade at Donut's head!" Jacobs argued back.

"Wait are we your friends? Or are the reds?" Caboose asked.

"Both, kinda like a freelancer, but I don't charge." Jacobs answered.

"Either way, we could have just let you rot in the Red Army prison, it wouldn't have made any difference to us." Tucker pointed out. This finally caused Tex to give in.

"Fine, I'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. As soon as I have, I'm outta here. What do you need me to do?" Tex asked. Tucker thought for a second before saying,

"I have no idea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I would have you do that." Tucker suggested.

"...Okay." Tex replied. Caboose perked up really happy

"Wait, you-you know how to fix Sheila? ...I love you." Caboose said looking like an excited puppy.

**_later_**

_Blood Gulch: Middle_

Jacobs stood next to Tex who was next to the flipped Tank where it had been since the tank exploded.

"So how are you gonna do this, are we gonna use like a metal hook and turn it over with everyone else helping or mayb-" Jacobs suggested before seeing Tex flip over the tank like it was nothing nothing, then they stare at each other.

"I keep forgetting you're so strong" Jacobs replied.

"why are you here right now? Unless you can help, can you let me work in peace?" Tex asked, Jacobs looked around making sure no one was listening then got next to Tex's helmet and quietly said,

"Tex... you do remember I was a freelancer too right? of course I can help fix the tank, I'll work on the cannon you fix the engines, alright?" Jacobs said in her ear.

"Oh, Ok, that'll work" Tex replied

**_A minute _****_of working later_**

"So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought." Tucker concluded.

Tex stops working and faces Tucker replying,

"I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things." Tex explained.

"Yeah, but you like it." Tucker said.

"Well, I think it's important to enjoy what you do.

"So let's say I payed you to kill Caboose." Tucker looked over at Caboose, before continuing "You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?" Tucker asked. Jacobs heard that and thought, (Wow, Tucker, that's just fucking awful and rude. He's just a naive little guy.)

"Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?" Tex replied, Jacob stopped working, staring at Tex, before replying with,

"Yea i'm gonna say don't do that or I'll try to stop you." Jacobs told Tex, who then looked at him. Before shooting Tucker a death glare making him jump.

"Y-yeah I'm gonna get out of here" Tucker said before walking off out of view. Tex then looked at Jacobs

"Jersey, you can't beat me" Tex said.

"I know but I won't let you kill anyone on blue team." Jacobs replied.

"What about Red?" Tex asked.

"Grif, kill Grif, we won't miss him, he's fat and orange" Jacobs said, Tex then mentally took note of Grif, just in-case. Then both Tex and Jacobs overhear Church yelling.

"What the hell is my body still doing up here?!" Church asked angrily to Tucker.

"That's part of being dead, Church. Your body doesn't really move around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet." Tucker explained.

"Alright, well let me rephrase that then: Why in the hell haven't you buried my body yet?" Church clarified.

"Buried? With what? All we have are pistols and rifles." Tucker answered "What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave?" Tucker joked.

"Well then how about shipping me back home? You know, let the loved ones pay a little respect." Church said back.

"Well Church, here's your girlfriend. Tex, as one of Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects?" Tucker asked Tex. Who stopped working for a moment thinking... ,before going back to working on the tank.

"That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!" Tucker said sarcastically.

**_a little while later_**

_Cliff near the tank which is being fixed by Tex and Jacobs_

"How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?" Church asked Tucker

"Not much longer. She said it's going pretty well. with Jacobs help, the Gun and engine is almost done," Tucker answered, "you might wanna think quick." Tucker finished.

_Back at the tank_

Jacobs had almost finished the gun, he stopped and looked at Tex who was on the other side of the tank,

"hey Tex I'm almost done on the gun it was done pretty quick so we could test drive it." Jacobs suggested. Tex stopped and looked at Jacobs,

"I think I want to get out of here as quick as possible. so I'll decline." Tex replied.

"Alright, just making suggestions" Jacobs said to himself.

**_another few minutes later_**

At the tank Tex was hard at work on the engines while Jacobs calibrated the gun, Jacobs overheard a conversation from the cliff.

"They have A GIRL. They have a girl!" Caboose said in a surprised tone, Jacobs attention was caught by that, (Did they get another soldier?)

"A what?" Tucker asked.

"A girl, a girl! Look! Pink armor!" Caboose said making Jacobs laugh before slipping on the tank, he was standing on the tank so he could calibrate, when he fell, it was helmet first which cracked the visor.

"Ow!, Fuck!" Jacobs yelled, Tex came over and saw him on the ground with his visor cracked, Tex ran over to him, and helped him up before asking,

"Are you ok?" Tex asked.

Jacobs looked at Tex responding,

"Oh yea, just slipped" Jacobs answered, Tex looked at him again checking for any other wounds.

"Alright, does anything hurt?" Tex questioned.

"Tex, stop, I'm fine, yeesh, you've never worried about me this much before, are you ok?" Jacobs asked.

"I'm fine, just, don't want to lose any other good people." Tex said

"Right... your... trait..., well you don't have to worry, I can take care of myself Tex."

"Ok" Tex walked back to where she was working on the engine, and continued working, Tucker and Caboose watched this and went back to talking

"Ah man, why do they get a girl?' Tucker said catching Tex's attention.

"Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?" Tex asked Tucker.

"Yeah, Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl-girl." Tucker replied, making Tex slightly offended.

"And what the hell does that mean?

both Caboose and Tucker backed up from sight

"Nothing!" they both said at the same time.

"If it makes you feel better I think you're a great girl!" Jacobs said trying to make Tex a little more happy. Tex looked at him

"Thanks Jersey, you always did try to cheer others up. Especially me, back when I was your bunkmate, every morning you'd try to make me happy." Tex said sincerely.

"Well... I didn't want anyone on my team to feel bad, but I knew you were something else from the start, you always kinda emitted some kind of aura, of failure and incompleteness, so I tried to overwhelm you with positive and nice stuff to make you feel better, fill whatever holes in your heart you had." Jacobs explained happily.

"Wow, that was really fucking corny, but thanks, it was a lot easier to go through it all when I had you to help, you had people's backs, no matter what, you had Florida's back, York's back, Wash's back, hell even sometimes you had Maine and Carolina's backs, and you had my back, I appreciated that, so, thanks for that." Tex said honestly.

"Well a weird, but nice and badass freelancer once said 'We friends stick together, never forget the good times' do you know who said that? It was Florida, Florida said that, one day he gave me a collection of pictures, and one of the pictures on the back of it said that, its one of the only things I have to remember him by, well anyway I'm trying to say is that when it comes to you and me were really good friends." Jacobs explained.

"Well I think Florida was right and I agree." Tex replied.

"Agreed" Jacobs responded, the two of them looked at each other and Jacobs walked over and hugged Tex, who hugged him back, after that was over they went back to work. then Caboose interrupted some peaceful silence.

"Hey...! Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the Reds that you were fixing the tank?!" Caboose yelled at Tex. Jacobs and Tex looked at Caboose and Tex then went back to finishing. Jacobs just shook his head and finished his final calibrations, he got off the tank and looked at Tex

"Alright finished the gun." Jacobs told Tex

"The engine is finished too." Tex responded, she walked over to Jacobs and they looked at each other, I stepped back, she started to get in the tank, Jacobs stopped her,

"Hey Tex?" Jacobs took off his helmet and smiled at Tex who just stared at him "Good luck, just wanted to say that without the helmet." Jacobs put back on his cracked Mark 5 helmet. "also be careful, don't know shy but I've got a bad feeling, so stay safe Tex." Tex just stared before chuckling at Jacobs,

"I'll be fine Jersey, I'll try not to kill them, I'll try to injure them." Tex said to reassure Jacobs,

"Liessssssss. Well good luck, see ya after you 'injure' all the reds." Jacobs finished, hugging Tex again, he didn't know why he had a bad feeling like he wouldn't see her for a while, or she wouldn't come back but he pushed that aside and let go. Tex got in the tank

Sheila:Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.

(god I hope she stays safe)

Tex then begins heading towards red base,soon she started firing Jacobs walked closer to get a better view watching the carnage.

"wow...she is kicking their asses..." Jacobs said to himself.

The Warthog drives over to the tank ready to counterattack,

"oh hey there's the-" Jacobs then saw the Warthog go flying from being shot by the tank.

"And there it goes." Jacobs finished.

Everything was going well, until Jacobs saw Donut on the Red base in the open, he yelled,

"Hey, bitch! Remember me!? I saved something for ya!" Jacobs saw Donut throw something, then Jacobs saw it get closer to the tank before recognizing it, it was a sticky grenade, Jacobs ran towards the tank as fast as he could "oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no!" Jacobs said to himself, he saw that at this rate it would land directly on Tex

"TEX GET OUT OF THE TANK!!" Jacobs yelled to Tex

"Huh?" Tex confused looked back to see Jacobs.

Jacobs caught up to the tank, to get her out then, the grenade came directly at Tex, landing on her chest

"NO!" Jacobs yelled.

"Aw, CRAP!" Tex yelled looking at Jacobs dhe frantically said "Jersey get away from me or you'll die!" Tex warned Jacobs.

"Hell yeah! Three points, you dirty whore!" Donut yelled across the canyon.

Jacobs looked around for anything, but had to get down ,or he'd be killed by the explosion, hoping to god Tex could survive.

"BOOM" the grenade exploded which caused the tank to explode too

"SON OF A BITCH!" Jacobs yelled running over to the blown up tank.

"¡Dios mío, no!, ¡Tejas, Tejas![Oh my God, No! Texas, Texas!]" Church yelled in Spanish running to find Tex.

"Tex! are you ok?! Please!" Jacobs pleaded. He then found her body, he turned her over so she was facing him. She looked at Jacobs "Tex? You're still alive, thank god!" Jacob felt relieved for a second but knew she wasn't gonna survive.

"Well.. guess you were right to be worried huh..." Tex said weakly.

Church arrived in Lopez's body Tex looked from Jacobs over to Church.

"Church, is that you? It-It's gone, Church. The A.I., it's gone. Thank you." Tex said, she then went limp and died.

Jacobs went on his knees

"Damn it... I should've stopped her from getting in the tank... now I've lost another friend..." Jacobs said quietly, only Church heard and he looked at Jacobs, thinking that he was definitely gonna need some time...

"[Look, you seem like, you might need some time, do you want to come stay at our base for a while, you were friends with Tex so, it would be fine]" Church said sincerely, no sarcasm, or jokes, or anything, for once Church had empathy, and wanted to help Jacobs get through it just like he'll need to too, he just hoped Jacobs knew Spanish.

"That... sounds great... thanks Church... let's go, I need to repair my armor, and do some stuff." Jacobs said sadly trying not to tear up... Jacobs slowly got up and walked back to blue base, guess he would stay here for now..."Church can you leave me alone for a while? I just need a few minutes." Jacobs asked.

Church walked away from him, Jacobs went inside blue base and sat against a wall, and cried once again, for another old friend who'd died here, then Iota appeared on Jacobs's knee and looked at the crying mess that was her friend and host. She was also on the edge of tears but an A.I. can't cry.

"Jersey... do you need help? Anything I could do?" Iota asked helpfully.

"Huh... no, I'm... I'll be... I don't know...I just need time to think." Jacobs said through tears

"Alright..." Iota disappeared.

**_Chapter 2 Version 2 End_**

**Well quite the change, now I didn't really know how I could execute the end in the original version, after a lot of thinking I thought in the original Chapter 2 I really didn't show why he really could get Iota, I showed mostly none of the things that would make Iota compatible with Jacobs, and I thought that, Jacobs would've cared a hell of a lot more about another one of his close friends "die" even though Tex returns he wouldn't have known that and I made Tex and Jacobs/Jersey's relationship a lot more prominent in the end, I think that having Jacobs/Jersey like (maybe in the future love) Tex would help expand his character get more reactions and even follow Tex more than the others being more attached to freelancers and the past instead of the reds and blues at least for now, I hope you loved what I fixed and added to make this chapter 100x better than the original version. Till next chapter!**

**-Jake**

**(Original Author's Note)**

**Another chapter down, 1 season down... probably 12 seasons to go probably won't get that far.**


	4. Chapter 3: A Guide To Killing An AI

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**It took some blood, sweat, and way too many sleepless nights, but after a few re-edits, a rewrite or two, sneaking in some writing during classes, but I finally finished this Chapter, god, I know I could do less than a season per chapter, but honestly, I like doing it, it makes me proud that I can actually dedicate myself to something, which I've had trouble doing in my life, I love the people who've read this story thus far and look forward to providing more in the future. Though I did plan on flashbacks in this chapter that would make Seasons 9 and 10 hard to write, and I had trouble fitting them in appropriate places, so I'll hold off on those until Seasons 9 and 10. Sorry if I'm rambling on i'm just really happy to have finished this, and you may think this burned me out due to it's length, but no, I'm more motivated then ever, with all that being said, get on to reading, and enjoy, if you have any grievances, review and tell me, I love to improve and I'm open to criticism.**

* * *

**_Chapter 3: A Guide To killing Asshole A.I.s_**

* * *

**_Approximately 3 months later._**

_Blood Gulch: Blue Base_

Jacobs who's armor was finally repaired and Church who now had Cobalt armor again stood near the base,

"Don't you ever think the reds will realize that you've helped both sides of the war here?" Church asked

"Well... actually, I have no idea, over the last 3 months since Tex died, I told them that I was doing extensive recon, and they bought that for the last 3 months I've been here, I mean I've got a room at Red base which has all my stuff, but really I had nothing important," Jacobs explained, "plus you guys let me have a room here too, which again thank you." Jacobs thanked.

"Well again, you were friends with Captain Flowers, and you did help us out a bit, and helped me at least semi-move on from Tex... you know after I had to help you get over another friend's death, seriously 2 friends dead just after getting here, you have some really shitty luck." Church told Jacobs.

"Heheh... yea, I do." Jacobs agreed.

"Well we've got endless amounts of time here, not like we ever make progress around here with ending this fucking war, so I don't think there's much of a rush. Anyway you still haven't said if you are gonna go back to red team or just gonna stay here." Church explained.

"Well Church, I think I'll probably go back to red base soon, I think they could use the help." Jacobs answered.

"Well I guess you're right I think we'll be fine here withou-" Church began, but Tucker had walked up with Caboose and interrupted.

"Hey, Church, we have a problem." Tucker interrupted Church.

"One sec," Church said frustration in his voice looking behind at Tucker and Caboose. "I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like." Church answered obviously annoyed.

"I'm telling you, he's crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice." Tucker claimed.

"No, I didn't." Caboose denied.

"I find it hard to believe that Caboose could be scary anyway, dangerous? Maybe. Scary? Not really." Jacobs told Tucker, he had taken a bit of interest in Caboose, he was having quite a few difficulties adjusting and Jacobs decided to help Caboose quite a bit, and over the last months Caboose didn't seem to display any anger around Jacobs.

"Oh, so you're saying you didn't threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present?" Tucker questioned Caboose.

"You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context." Caboose answered, making Jacobs slowly look at Caboose with concern.

"Wait so you did say that?" Jacobs questioned Caboose, Caboose looked at Jacobs.

"I think so..." Caboose answered.

"I don't think any amount of context would make those words any less scary." Tucker retorted.

"...Hey Caboose?" Jacobs asked walking over to Caboose concern in his voice.

"Yes buddy?" Caboose asked innocently.

"We should probably talk about that later, you know so we can clear things up and maybe therapy." Jacobs told Caboose.

"Alright! I trust you buddy!" Caboose answered happily.

"Thanks Caboose." Jacobs answered.

"Ok glad you two settled that. Listen, guys, this competition thing has got to stop, okay? I thought we'd established by now-" Church began speaking again before being interrupted by a random person in purple colored armor.

"Excuse me?" The man asked Church, trying to get his attention.

"Hey, pal? One second, okay? I'm in the middle of something here. You can talk to Jacobs," Church replied, making the man in purple armor look around not knowing which one was Jacobs he continued to stand there. "look I thought we'd established by now, I don't like either of you, okay? The only one here I can probably tolerate the most here is Jacobs and he's not even on our team, So competing for my attention is not gonna do ya any good." Church explained to Tucker and Caboose,

Jacobs nudged the purple man, "He's done now, so you can ask now bud." Jacobs told him.

"Oh good, Excuse me?" the purple guy perked up and asked Church.

Church turned around to face the man in purple armor,

"Okay. Yes. Hello. Who're you?" Church questioned.

Caboose says something, but no one except Tucker seemed to either care or hear.

"He's doing that thing again..." Tucker told the group, Jacobs turned to Caboose,

"Caboose can you please just, leave Tucker alone, if you're angry we can talk later." Jacobs told Caboose.

"Oh, sorry buddy, I don't know why I said that!" Caboose answered.

"Its alright Caboose, we all hate Tucker, but try to keep it in." Jacobs joked.

"Hey, fuck you Jacobs!" Tucker angrily responded. Church turned around even more frustrated.

"Both of you, please shut the fuck up," Church told the two of them.

Church then looked back to the man in purple armor,

"now what do you want?" Church asked with very little enthusiasm.

"My name's DuFresne... uh, are you Private Tucker?" DuFresne asked.

"No, I am not Private Tucker. My name is Church." Church told DuFresne.

Church turns around to Tucker and points at him.

"This is Private Tucker." Church told DuFresne.

"Yo!" Tucker replied nonchalantly,

Church then points at Jacobs,

"Right there is Jacobs, he's a red who helps us, and probably the only person besides me in this canyon with an IQ above 30," Church explained.

"Thanks Church, hi there." Jacobs responded. Church then finally points at Caboose

"And our friend over there in regulation blue, that's Caboose. Or O'Malley, or whatever the hell he's callin' himself." Church explained.

"Why did you introduce me last?" Caboose asked innocently.

"Because he hates you." Tucker replied which made Jacobs angry, he walked over towards Tucker and punched him in the helmet.

"Don't be an asshole," Jacobs told Tucker.

"Ow, God damn it! You always punch me in the face!" Tucker said angrily.

Jacobs puts a hand on Caboose's shoulder "it's ok Caboose, I like you." Jacobs told him to cheer up Caboose. Caboose responds by hugging him.

"Thank you buddy, you always cheer me up!" Caboose said happily. At first Jacobs looks around before patting Caboose on the head.

"No problem Caboose" Jacobs told him smiling. Caboose stops hugging him and Jacobs walked back over next to Church.

"Anyway,I received your call for a medic." DuFresne resumed.

"Medic? That was like three months ago." Caboose responded confused.

"Yeah, what'd you do? Crawl all the way here?" Tucker questioned .

"Seriously didn't command give you a ride? Where were you on the other side of the galaxy?" Jacobs asked surprised.

"Hey I got here as fast as I could, ok? Now where's the patient." DuFresne asked. Jacobs visor palmed and groaned.

"Dude... where do you think? Have you seen a person survive sticky grenade to the chest for more than a few minutes?" Jacobs asked DuFresne, though Donut survived one to the head, that was sheer luck, if it ever happened again he would be dead.

"Yea just missed her by about 3 months. Well, she's about fifty yards behind you and six feet straight down." Church explained. pointing at a makeshift grave.

"Oh. I'm sorry about your loss." DuFresne said to Church.

"What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks, man, it was tough but, well, what're you gonna do..." Church replied.

"We didn't like her very much." Caboose told DuFresne.

"She was mean to other people." Caboose elaborated both whispering and being loud enough to hear.

"Correction, you guys didn't like her, I thought she was pretty cool, and you know Church did too." Jacobs corrected Caboose.

"Ok... Who's in the other grave?" DuFresne questioned.

Church akwardly stood there and decided fuck it, "That's uh, that's me. I'm in that grave." Church answered akwardly.

"... Uh huh... Of course." DuFresne responded very confused thinking what had he gotten into.

"Yeah... that's quite a story." Jacobs said grinning under his helmet.

" Yes it was! See, he, got killed by this uh, crazy runaway tank." Caboose explained.

"Or by the idiot driving it." Tucker corrected making Jacobs glare, Tucker replied "I'm not lying." Jacobs rolled his eyes and looked back at Caboose as he continued.

"Oh yeah, and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a Mexican robot's body, uh... oh! And then we had to uh, oyathatsright, spray paint him, ah, to make him blue, and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man... Who... is blue..." Caboose explained.

"Right, and it took us six weeks to get his Spanish setting turned off." Tucker added.

A click sound is heard from Church, "No esta completamente apagado, pendejo." (Not entirely turned off, moron.)

Tucker looked at Jacobs, Jacobs looked at him.

"Dude I'm not your fucking translator, get a Spanish to English dictionary asshole." Jacobs replied, over the months he was here, everytime Church spoke Spanish, he had to translate, and that started to get on his nerves.

"Ugh... fine, you know sometimes you're a pretty chill guy, but other times you're a complete asshole like Church." Tucker expressed.

"Yea too bad, that's who I am Tucker get use to it, now go grab a dictionary." Jacobs answered.

"Yea, Yea, I'm going" Tucker said before mumbling, "fucking asshole."

"Wait, so, no one here is hurt?" DuFresne questioned.

Church turned off his Spanish setting, "No, we're fine. In fact, I feel better than ever. See now whenever these two idiots really start to bug me, I can always just turn my ears off. Couldn't do that before." Church explained, Jacobs looked at Church.

"Wait... what about me?" Jacobs asked, Church then looked back to him.

"Well I've never really needed to do that with you, you're not nearly as annoying as those two, so good for you." Church explained.

"Huh good to know that you haven't muted me before." Jacobs said satisfied.

"Wait a minute... you said they were shorting out." Caboose pointed out, this prompted Church to turn off his ears.

"I'm sorry, what was that Caboose? I can't hear you!" Church replied.

"Well then let me just check you three out," DuFresne held up a medical scanner with a striking resemblance to a plasma pistol. "and I'll be on my way." Tucker looked surprised and questioned,

"Whoooa... check us out? Is this gonna be one of those things where I have to turn my head and cough?" Tucker questioned.

"No, I'm just gonna check your vitals." DuFresne answered.

Caboose looked at Tucker "I bet I have better vitals than you!" Caboose then looked at Church and Jacobs, "um...What's a vital?" Caboose asked. Jacobs sighed,

"Alright, Caboose, it measures how well you are, like if you're vitals are good, that's great, if they aren't? That's bad, he'll tell us if anything is wrong." Jacobs explained.

"get it?" Jacobs asked Caboose.

"ohhhhhhh... that makes sense, thank you." Caboose answered happily.

"On your way? I don't think so, bud. Aren't you here to join our squad?" Church questioned.

"No, I'm just here to help out with Tex, and then assist in the canyon as needed." DuFresne clarified.

"First of all, great job on the Tex thing. Mission accomplished, Secondly, the way that we need you to assist, is to help us kill all the reds." Church explained, Jacobs then looked at Church,

"Wait, what about me, I'm red." Jacobs questioned.

"Well, you're the exception, you help around here, and keep Caboose from being more annoying then he already is," Church explained.

"Plus even if we killed you, Caboose would probably kill us in our sleep for hurting his new buddy, so even if we wanted to we can't." Tucker explained further.

"Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn't. I joined the army as a conscientious objector." DuFresne explained.

"A conshe- who?" Tucker asked.

"I'm a pacifist." DuFresne clarified.

"You're a thing that babies suck on...?" Caboose questioned confusing pacifist for pacifier.

"No, dude, that's a pedophile." Tucker answered, Jacobs looked at him suddenly palming his visor.

"Tucker, what the fu- ,THAT'S EVEN MORE WRONG!" Jacobs yelled, startling everyone.

"a pacifist is a person who refuses to fight or kill, Caboose the word you're looking for is pacifier." Jacobs told Caboose.

"Oh yeah, right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else." Tucker said.

"That's real classy, Tucker." Church said sarcastically. DuFresne finished scanning,

"Well, everyone here checks out. I'll come back and check on you before I leave the canyon. Can you tell me which way to the Red Base?" DuFresne asked.

"Why? You said you weren't gonna fight 'em." Tucker questioned.

"I'm not. Resources are low so I'm on loan to both armies to help whichever side needs me at the time." DuFresne explained.

"So you're like a medical version of a mercenary, who ever needs help, you'll help, except you don't get paid for each job." Jacobs compared.

"Yea, that's pretty accurate." DuFresne agreed.

"Man, that is so freakin' lame." Church muttered.

"Well Church you still got me, I have some basic medical knowledge." Jacobs told Church.

"Wait you do? Why was I called then? DuFresne asked confused.

"Because we needed a medical professional, I don't have the proper medical knowledge to be a medic, but just enough to help a bit." Jacobs explained.

"Oh, that makes sense, I can't expect someone with minimal knowledge of medicine to save a life especially with the severity of the injury, well I'm just gonna go to Red Base and see if they need any help." DuFresne responded.

"Oh yea, good luck bud." Jacobs said dismissingly.

"Well, if you're gonna go up to Red Base, I'd recommend putting away that little medical thingy of yours. They see you walking up carrying that thing, they're gonna shoot it right out of your hand." Church's advice was perfectly timed with DuFresne's Scanner getting shot out of his hand.

"Huh kinda like that... good guess Church." Jacob complimented nonchalantly.

"Yea thanks man, also Scatter!" Church panicked running for cover with Jacobs and Tucker close behind, taking cover behind a rock with the two Jacob pulling DuFresne along with him.

"That was close!" Jacobs pointed out.

"Thanks." DuFresne told Jacobs.

"No problem." Jacobs responded.

The reds begin firing on the 2 rocks one with Church, Tucker, DuFresne, and Jacobs behind it and one with Caboose behind it.

"Okay, Tucker, I need you to get up there, help Caboose shore up the defense, establish a suppressing fire, and hold that position until further notice." Church ordered.

"I didn't even know what half of that meant." Tucker admitted.

"Just go over to Caboose's rock, and fire your gun a bunch." Church simplified. Tucker gave Church a look, even though he had a helmet on you could tell that he had several objections.

"That rock? Yeah, I don't think so." Tucker answered.

"We do not have time to discuss this." Church said groaning.

"Sure, no time for you to discuss it. You get to hang out here with Nancy No-Bullets shootin' the breeze along with the only one the reds won't shoot. Meanwhile, I'm out there, running around, eating a machine gun sandwich." Tucker explained.

"Tucker, we're gonna give you covering fire." Church tried to reassure him somewhat.

"Covering fire? Unless that means you're gonna build a huge, bullet-proof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now." Tucker said remaining behind the rock.

"No problem. Oh wait wait, does the blood have to be in your body?" Church asked.

"Can it be on the outside of your body or armor?" Jacobs joked.

"Fuck both of you." Tucker said angrily.

"Alright, Doc, get over there and help Caboose!" Church told DuFresne.

"My name isn't Doc, it's DuFresne." DuFresne clarified.

"Yeah. I can't pronounce that, so from now on, your name is Doc." Church declared.

"Real creative Church." Jacobs said sarcastically.

"I'm not really comfortable with that. I'm not a doctor, I'm a medic." DuFresne continued.

"What's the difference?" Tucker asked.

"Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable.. while they die." DuFresne clarified earning a look from Jacobs that screamed 'How fucking dumb are you?!',

"No, that's entirely wrong in several ways, Doctors perform intricate procedures that save people in the long term and short-term among many other things, including injecting people with cures. Scientists research and create cures. Medics help people who've been hurt bad stay alive, and do procedures to help in short-term along with other things until a Doctor can help, or in combat to patch them up to keep fighting." Jacobs corrected. DuFresne looked sufficiently surprised.

"Mental note: don't ever get shot when Doc's around, maybe when Jacobs is... maybe." Tucker said.

"It's settled then. Your name is now Doc." Church finished.

"Alright, but I don't think it'll stick" Doc expressed.

"Oh, trust us, it'll stick." Tucker answered.

"Yea, if they didn't people would be calling me Jackson or Raymond instead of Jacobs." Jacobs told Doc as an example.

"Wait ,what is your full name anyway?" Church asked.

"Oh, its Raymond C. Jackson." Jacobs lied, that's his name in the database his real name is Ray S. Jacobs, but if anyone looked that up they would get nothing. Church looked a little surprised

"Huh, your name sounds like a name for a guy in his 60s. How old are you anyway?" Church continued.

"29, why?" Jacobs asked.

(To clarify I personally believe that The Blood Gulch Chronicles is about 6-7 years after Project Freelancer, making Jersey/Jacobs around 23-24 during the events of Project Freelancer.)

"Wow I thought you were a lot older..." Church stated, before he looked over back at Doc ",alright, now get over to Caboose, and help him hold that position." Church ordered.

"I don't have a gun, I'm a pacifist." Doc stated.

"Well then just get over there and yell bang bang bang." Church replied.

"Eh, I don't know. Even that sounds pretty aggressive." Doc said.

"Oh, come on." Tucker said in disbelief.

Jacobs visor palmed groaning.

"Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt." Doc stated.

"Huh. I see." Church said a little maliciously.

"Church? Don't do it." Jacobs urged Church, realizing what Church is planning.

Church turns toward Caboose and very deliberately raises his gun, then fires one shot into Caboose's foot.

"God damn it Church!" Jacobs said angrily.

"Ahow! My foot..." Caboose said in pain.

"Well, looks like Caboose has hurt himself. Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc." Church said.

"Church I get that Caboose killed you but was that necessary?" Jacobs asked.

"Necessary? Maybe... Cathartic? Fuck Yes." Church admitted.

"Church if you die again, that's on you." Jacobs told Church, who shrugged.

"You know, you could have just asked nicely." Doc said moving over to the other rock. Jacobs turned to Church.

"You're an asshole Church..." Jacobs stated.

"you know you could've told me to run over to the rock, right? they would've probably stopped firing too." Jacobs suggested. that caused Church to go silent for a few seconds.

"Fuck you're right..." Church admitted,

"Well what's done is done, and I got to shoot Caboose in the foot!" Church said still satisfied.

"Yea we're gonna talk about that." Jacobs told Church.

"No, we aren't, why would I Listen to you anyway? You're not even on blue team." Church replied.

"Church, unlike you, I don't miss every shot I take, you probably couldn't shoot a someone at point blank range with a minigun!" Jacobs stated.

"Well I didn't miss Caboose." Church said trying to disprove his bad aim.

"Alright when else?" Jacobs asked smugly.

Church was silent again before replying,

"...I'll get back to you on that." Church finished.

The Reds suddenly stopped firing, Tucker then asked.

"Hey dude, why aren't the Reds firing?"

"I don't know, maybe they're outta ammo." Church suggested.

"Hey, Blues! We are giving you a chance to surrender!" Sarge yelled to them.

"Surrender?" Church questioned not believing it.

"We are giving you a chance to surrender!" Sarge reiterated.

"Bullshit, they're probably out of ammo." Jacobs concluded.

"Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo..." Church agreed.

"What're your terms!" Church yelled out in response.

"Their what?" Tucker asked, Jacobs turned to Tucker.

"It means what do they want you guys to give them in exchange for you surrendering." Jacobs clarified.

"Oh..." Tucker said satisfied.

"Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back, along with our Corporal!" Sarge explained.

"Uh oh." Church said. Jacobs shrugged.

"I'll go, I think you guys will be fine without me anyway." Jacobs decided.

"You may know him as Señor El Roboto! You may know the other as the red guy you blew up with a tank." Sarge continued.

"Well, Church, what's it gonna be?" Tucker asked.

"Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing." Church answered.

"Well what are you gonna say then?" Jacobs asked.

"And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!" Sarge continued again

"Uh.. uhm, he's not here any more!" Church replied.

"Yeah, he left! He was all like Sayonara! and then he just took off!" Tucker added, Jacobs looked at him.

"That was French you idiot!" Jacobs corrected.

"Let's try this, Hey, Reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!" Church asked.

"A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there." Doc said.

"Exactly." Jacobs replied.

Church, Tucker, and Jacobs walked over to the rock with Caboose and Doc.

"Hey, Doc. How's the patient?" Church asked.

"Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive." Doc replied.

"He's talking about Caboose, right?" Tucker asked.

"No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?" Church clarified.

"What, that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago." Doc answered.

"Rest in peace, pinkie toe..." Suddenly Caboose's voice became deep. "You shall be avenged!" Jacobs was a little unnerved by that, but thought it was nothing.

"It's ok Caboose, you still got nine more!" Jacobs tried to cheer up Caboose, over the months he'd been there, he grew sorry for Caboose, he seemingly didn't understand things. Jacobs tried to help Caboose when he could, and tried to stop him from getting angry, you would not like Caboose when he's angry...

" oh hey...I guess you're right!... Thanks buddy!" Caboose reverted back to his normal obliviously positive attitude.

"Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help." Doc stated.

"Yeah I should go too, they probably need more help than you do" Jacobs agreed.

"Wait, You're leaving buddy?" Caboose asked sadly.

"Don't worry Caboose I'll still come and visit!" Jacobs reassured Caboose.

"Oh... OK! Goodbye buddy, visit soon!" Caboose responded.

Caboose hugs Jacobs again,

"I will Caboose, I will." Jacobs pat Caboose's head again.

"Okay! We're gonna send over our medic and your Corporal! Now what do we get?!" Church questioned.

"You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!" Simmons yelled back.

"We've already got that! What else do you have?!" Tucker joined in.

"What do you want?!" Sarge asked.

"How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!" Church suggested, the reds ssoon replied.

"What if we admit that one of us sucks?!" Sarge asked.

And so lengthy negotiations began.

**_Two hours later._**

"Okay then! We agree to the terms?! You first, and then we send over the medic and your Corporal!" Church yelled to confirm. Soon Grif stood in between the reds and blues.

"I would just like to let everyone know.. that I suck!" Grif started embarrassingly clearly trying to get it done as fast as possible.

"And?!" Church asked very amused.

"And that I'm a girl!" Grif begrudgingly continued, at that point Jacobs found it difficult not to laugh.

"What else!?" Church asked enjoying this immensely.

"And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!" Grif finished, at that point Jacobs couldn't help ,but break out laughing.

"Okay, is that good enough?!" Simmons yelled.

"Yeah!" Church confirmed, Church looked over at the currently laughing Jacobs and Doc.

"Alright, go ahead you two." Church ordered.

once Jacobs stopped laughing he ran over to the reds with Doc following,

Grif looked at the Doc,

"Man, I really hope you're worth this." Grif stated clearly embarrassed.

"And what about me?" Jacobs asked.

"Why would I care about you?" Grif replied dismissively, this prompted Jacobs takes a step towards Grif, in response Grif steps back.

"AH... GET AWAY!" Grif yelled clearly scared. Jacobs laughed in response.

"Hahahaha... ah... its good to be back." Jacobs said happily.

"Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?" Doc asked.

"Water? We ran outta water six months ago" Grif answered.

"No water.. Then what do you drink?" Doc asked.

"Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual." Grif answered nonchalantly.

"I drink Soda for the most part." Jacobs added.

" only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada. Do you lik-" Sarge started ,but Jacobs interrupted him.

"Sir permission to speak?" Jacobs asked.

"Go ahead." Sarge replied.

"Respectfully don't sing please." Jacobs said.

"... Alright fine," Sarge said a little disappointed. "welcome back Corporal." Sarge greeted.

"Good to be back Sir!" Jacobs replied,

Jacobs saluted Sarge prompting Grif to roll his eyes.

**_Later_**

_Blood Gulch: Red Base_

Doc and Grif we're discussing Sarge's head wound story, meanwhile Jacobs was on scout duty on top of Red base.

"So he was shot in the head..." Doc stated,

"Right." Grif confirmed.

"...and he gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head after bandaging his head up." Doc continued.

"Exactly." Grif confirmed again.

"Yeah, I think that's a perfectly acceptable treatment." Doc concluded, Grif looked dumbfounded that a medic was agreeing with CPR and bandages as acceptable treatment.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Grif yelled in response.

"That's what people mostly say. People often overlook alternative methods of care. Like that Blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some aloe vera, he was fine." Doc explained, Grif would've continued if Jacobs didn't start first.

"YOU ARE THE WORST MEDIC I HAVE EVER SEEN EVER AND LIKE YOU COULD DO MUCH BETTER GRIF!" Jacobs yelled.

"But how does that make sense, How does CPR fix that?!" Grif asked in disbelief.

"It just does." Doc answered.

Sarge had come to check out the yelling going on. Simmons had as well,

"Grif! Yer supposed to be watching the prisoner, not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!" Sarge told Grif angrily.

"YEAH, AND NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO FOR A BULLET WOUND TO THE HEAD DUMBASS!" Jacobs yelled from the top of the base.

"Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun." Grif argued.

"Oh, well you two will be great friends then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!" Simmons retorted.

"Hey thanks, kiss-ass. If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you." Grif argued.

"Grif, you left me to rot in the middle of a canyon because you're too lazy to check a body, don't even start!" Jacobs yelled back.

"Its been 3 months! When are you gonna get over that!?" Grif asked.

"YOU DON'T GET OVER BEING LEFT TO DIE BY YOUR OWN GODDAMN TEAM!" Jacobs yelled.

"Uh, hey, guys? I-I just want everybody to know that Grif and I aren't, uh, technically friends.. uh, we're just talking. That's it." Doc stated.

**_Later_**

Sarge, Simmons, Donut and Jacobs we're near the warthog talking about Doc. weirdly the warthog started beeping.

"Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?" Sarge asked.

"Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because ...yeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to him." Simmons replied.

"Agreed..." Jacobs replied.

"How 'bout we, um, let him trade armor with uh, one of us? That would show him." Donut suggested.

"Warthog online. Homing beacon activated." The Warthog suddenly talked startling everyone.

"Sarge, d-d-did the car just talk?" Donut stuttered out.

"Uh oh." Sarge gulped realizing why it was doing that. Simmons turned to Sarge,

"Why is it doing that sir?" Simmons asked worryingly.

"I may have built a remote control into lopez." Sarge answered.

"Why?!" Jacobs questioned. Staring at the Warthog.

"Oh come on, its a great utility, Lopez could save us from blues killing us without having to drive it." Sarge defended.

"Yea, but! If someone were to capture Lopez they could disassemble him, then they could remotely murder us with our own damn Jeep!" Jacobs pointed out.

"But think of the other uses Corporal, if we ever need the jeep, Lopez could've remotely drove it to us and provide covering fire!" Sarge argued.

"I guess that's ok, but one question, can it differentiate between reds and blues?" Jacobs asked a little relived.

"Of course not, if a blue painted himself red he could void the targeting! That would be a stupid idea!" Sarge answered. Jacobs looked frustrated and scared.

"W-w-wait doesn't that mean..." Grif said shakily, Jacobs finished his sentence.

"It can kill us too?!?!" Jacobs yelled.

"Okay, I get it. You built a remote control for the jeep into Lopez." Simmons said, staring at the Warthog like everyone else.

"Yep. But there's no way anyone could have found out how to turn it on. I hid it in a place no one would ever look. Unless..." Sarge wondered off before looking at Donut.

"Hey, Pretty-in-Pink, were you messin' with my robot?" Sarge asked.

"What're you asking me for?" Donut asked oblivious to why Sarge asked him.

"So someone else controls the jeep right now? And the big gun attached to it?" Grif asked getting ready to run.

"Oh, get a pair, you bunch o' Barbies. Even if they've figured out how to turn it on, they'd never know the set of code words to control it. Only me and my diary know that." Sarge explained, Jacobs nervously chuckled, looking at Sarge.

"Sarge, have you heard of jinxing it?" Jacobs asked nonchalantly.

"what?" Sarge asked.

"Its when someone says something isn't gonna happen because it would be improbable, only for it to make the chances of it happening seemingly increase.." Jacobs explained.

"oh... I still firmly believe it will not happen no way could they eve-" Sarge said while Jacobs turned on his radio to the blue's frequency to ask what they did only to hear.

_"Going to drive me crazy!"_ Church said over the radio.

"Drive." The Warthog said in response.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me..." Jacobs said, turning off the blue frequency.

"Jumpin' Jehozafats, they've cracked the code. Those dern windtalkers." Sarge said as everyone began to panick.

"Oh god damn it!" Jacobs yelled out.

The jeep rams into Doc making him fall into the driver seat as the jeep takes off from the base and Jacobs runs after it.

"Help, this jeep is kidnapping me!" Doc yelled as the Warthog drove.

"DOC JUMP OUT!" Jacobs yelled.

"I don't wanna die!" Doc yelled in response. Jacobs groaned and kept chasing it until. The jeep stopped for a bit and Jacobs caught up and held on to the jeep for support breathing loudly.

"Hey Jacobs, are you ok?" Doc asked almost paralyzed from the shock.

"Yea ,I'm fin-"

"Turn around." The Warthog said interrupting Jacobs.

Jacobs gets thrown around still hanging on to the jeep as it drove around, eventually the jeep turned throwing Jacobs on to the jeep, settling down on the back of it he jumped off the Warthog and runs back over to the reds, hoping they had a solution.

"Uh Sarge? what are we suppose to do, because I'm not doing that again!" Jacobs said looking a little tired from the running.

"Let me think..." Sarge said as the Jeep drove around.

**_Meanwhile_**

_Blue Base_

The blues were attempting to solve the beeping problem Church was having,

"Okay, I see two wires down here. One's green, the other one's red." Tucker described.

"What about the blue one? Caboose asked pointing at his thumb.

"That's your thumb, idiot." Tucker corrected.

"Come on, guys, just grab whichever one goes to the switch, and yank it out." Church said trying to stop the beeping as soon as possible.

"Eh, I can't tell which one goes over there." Tucker said looking for where the 2 wires lead. Caboose stood up.

"Then just yank 'em both." Church suggested.

"Church, if we pick the wrong one.." Caboose said before whispering.

"You could explode." Caboose finished.

"Tell you what imagine the wire is red and white like your buddy, ok? take out the Red and White one." Church told Caboose oblivious to what he had just caused.

**_Back with the reds._**

_Red Base_

"Acquire target: Red and White." The Warthog said, prompting the rest of the team to back away from Jacobs.

"Uh, Jacobs, y-you, you may wanna start running.Now." Grif warned.

"Its always the goddamn vehicles!" Jacobs yelled, thinking 'Seriously I have Wash's luck with these christ.' ,before running in the opposite direction then realizing he hit something hard...

the wall of the base, turning around just in time for the Warthog to ram into him.

"Fuck!" Jacobs yelled in pain of being rammed into a wall by a death machine.

"Eliminate Red and White target." The Warthog said.

"Wait! what!?" Jacobs asked as the Warthog's turret revs up and fires a short distance away from Jacobs slowly moving closer towards his head,

"SOMEONE STOP THIS THING!!!" Jacobs yelled.

"You're gonna kill him!" Grif said to Doc,

"First the Jeep explodes next to me almost killing me, NOW THE THING IS GONNA TRY AND KILL ME AGAIN?! YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Jacobs yelled.

"What do we do?!" Grif asked.

"well gotta do something here guys." Simmons added.

"You're right. I got dibs on Jacobs armor!" Donut said, Jacobs looked over at Donut clearly angry even with a helmet on.

"When I get out of this Donut I'm gonna kick your ass along with Grif!" Jacobs said in anger. Jacobs then tried to push the car, pushing almost near being able to get away, only for it to accelerate back into him.

"FUCKING OW! That didn't work!" Jacobs yelled.

'Iota please be trying to deactivate the thing before it kills me.' Jacobs thought the deadly Warthog mounted machine gun inching forward, then,

"Signal lost." The Warthog said

"Oh thank god." Jacobs said in relief.

"Wow, that was a close one. Are you okay, Jacobs?" Grif asked.

"Better than expected, thought I'd have a bullet in my head so overall, I'm fine." Jacobs responded. Doc finally got out of the Warthog and walked over to Jacobs trying to see if he had any bleeding.

"Are you ok?" Doc asked, Jacobs looked over at him.

"Doc... please... back up the Jeep... still crushing my pelvis." Jacobs told Doc.

"Why can't you push it?" Grif asked.

"Because I used all my strength pushing it when it stood still only for it to ram into me again, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN NOW AFTER IT SLAMMED INTO ME TWICE!" Jacobs yelled. Making Grif back off.

"ok!" Doc said as he ran back getting in the Warthog, unfortunately he doesn't know how to drive a Warthog.

Doc manages to back up only to accidentally ram back into Jacobs.

"WRONG GODDAMN WAY!" Jacobs yelled.

"I'm so sorry!" Doc said,

Doc attempts to back up again then accidentally rams into Jacobs again. who instead of yelling groaned in pain.

"Oh no! I'm so, so sorry!" Doc apologizes, feeling guilty.

"GET HIM OUT OF THE DAMN JEEP CHRIST!" Jacobs yelled in frustration.

"Third time's a charm?" Doc asks.

"I don't think so, Poindexter. Outta the jeep now!" Simmons ordered.

"I'm really sorry guys. I was only trying to help. Really!" Doc said trying to defend himself.

"Oh, is that all? I for one was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our Corporal by ramming him over and over with a six thousand pound steel death machine. Now that we know that you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue." Grif told Doc Sarcastically.

"Wait... really?" Doc asked relieved for a second only for Grif, Simmons, and Jacobs to yell at the same times,

"GET OUT!!" The three yelled in unison.

Doc got out while Grif got in and backed up the jeep freeing Jacobs. Who stumbled getting his footing.

"Thank god, that felt like being slowly stabbed by a thousand knives 3 times" Jacobs said.

"I'm so sorry!" Doc yet again apologized. Jacobs released a bit of pent up anger beca Doc

"Doc as a medic, you suck! as a soldier you can't do anything, as a prisoner you are awful! and as a driver you almost killed me after I had a near death experience via hyper-lethal turret to the face! Please god get out of here please, when I get back you better be gone, before I take the Warthog and ram you into a wall!" Jacobs yelled at him

Jacobs walked away from the base onto the cliff as usual out of sight. He began walking to Blue Base, he only just got back to Red Base only to almost die there. though maybe he shouldn't have been so rude to Doc, after all, this place was designed for the worst of the worst performing soldiers, he was basically set up for failure. When he gets nearby Blue Base he notices the Reds delivering Doc back to the Blues only for the blues to refuse Doc, and now Doc was stuck in the middle of nowhere.

"Maybe we should help him?" Iota appeared out of nowhere on Jacobs shoulder.

"Oh hey Iota, I don't know how we could though, he's kind of stuck here, and he's welcome at neither base, I'm sure 'Command' will pick him up. For now, I think it's best we leave him be. Also we need to pay the blues a visit, well Caboose a visit, for the others, an explanation." Jacobs explained. and began walking towards blue base.

Jacobs walked into Blue Base and up the stairs to the roof, he leaned aganist a pillar built into the base, he didn't announce his presence and decided to listen,

"Alright Tucker, what the hell are we gonna do, man? I gotta get my legs working, here." Church said a little frantic.

"I don't know, but I can't just keep pulling wires down there. I think we should call in a professional. Maybe someone who can fix Sheila too." Tucker suggested.

"Okay, great idea, but the only two people that can do that are Senior El Roboto and Tex." Church pointed out.

"Hmm, Tex can be kinda hard to work with." Caboose said.

"Yeah, dead people usually are." Tucker said.

"Quite frankly, Tucker, I find your attitude offensive." Church added.

"What about that Lopez person? Is he available?" Caboose asked.

"No. I'm in his body, remember?" Church pointed out.

"Well, why don't you just leave his body, and then Tucker and I will make him fix you and my girlfriend!" Caboose excitingly explained.

"Girlfriend?" Tucker asked confused.

"What're you, a retard?" Church asked.

"I-I mean uh, Tucker and I will make him fix you, and ah, the beautiful tank lady means nothing to me, uh then we can get you back in his body when he is done." Caboose explained, Jacobs was impressed that was actually a good plan.

"I'm confused. That actually seems like a good idea." Tucker said,

"I know..." Church agreed,

"But Caboose said it." Tucker continued.

"I know!" Church repeated in disbelief, Tucker then hit Church with his pistol,

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" Church asked angrily.

"I don't know, I thought maybe I was dreaming. So I punched you in the face to make sure I wasn't." Tucker explained, Jacobs still leaning against the pillar going somehow unnoticed, shook his head, his hand on his visor.

"Tucker, when you think you're dreaming, you don't punch somebody else, you get somebody else to pinch you!" Church corrected.

"Dude, it doesn't matter what kind of dream I'm having, I am not going to ask you to pinch me." Tucker responded.

"If you dented my forehead, Tucker, I'm going to be pissed!" Church said frustrated.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Tucker said dismissingly.

"Let's try this. I'll jump outta Lopez's body real quick, you two just watch him and make sure he doesn't try anything. Got it?" Church explained.

"Okay, Church." Both Tucker and Caboose answered.

"Alright, here's goes nothing. Hegerkerker." Church then left Lopez's body.

'Hmm now I get it, he must have the ability to jump bodies... like Omega... wait a minute...fuck, Omega might still be around.' Jacobs thought worryingly, now a psychotic A.I. fragment is free, that won't come back to bite us.

"You know, I have to hand it to you, Caboose, you finally came up with a good idea." Tucker admitted.

"Aw, thanks, man. It was nothing." Caboose replied, meanwhile Lopez was confused before starting to leave, 'And there he goes' Jacobs thought.

"Yeah, back in the spirit world, alright! Man, I forgot how good this feels.. kinda loosey goosey. Hey, what'd you guys do with my body?" Church asked.

"Hi, hello, probably haven't noticed me till now but, about 100 meters that way." Jacobs pointed to Lopez in the distance.

"Jacobs? The hell are you doing here? Wait, my body is leaving?! Alright then I'll be back, cut him off with the tele-" Church was cut off by Caboose shooting at Lopez.

"This one's mine." Caboose said in a very deep voice.

"Caboose! What the hell man?! That's my body don't shoot at it!" Church yelled

"Tucker did it!" Caboose made up an excuse even though he was holding a sniper, Church just groaned.

"Whatever, You two take the teleporter and cut him off, I'll meet you there, Jacobs, just keep watch I guess." Church said before fading.

"There's no way I'm going through the teleporter again. I still got this tingle in the back of my... look, dude, I'm just not going back through the teleporter, okay?" Tucker stated.

"Alright what are you suggesting then Tucker?" Jacobs asked.

"Well, we know rocks go through it, so let's test something," Tucker pulled out a grenade,

"Let's see if THIS-." Tucker threw the grenade into the teleporter.

"-will work." Tucker finished.

"You know in a circumstance where we needed to kill an enemy that would've been an amazing plan, too bad we are trying to disable it, not blow it to smithereens." Jacobs pointed out.

"ah, whatever, not like its gonna actually kill the robot they're made with Titanium- and shit." Tucker argued.

"Fair enough." Jacobs admitted.

The grenade is heard exploding far away, prompting Tucker, Caboose, and Jacobs to jog over to the detonation site.

Once the group had arrived Tucker aimed at Lopez.

"Hold it right there, hombre!" Tucker ordered, before turning to Caboose and Jacobs.

"I told you throwing that grenade through the teleporter would work! Church is gonna be so impressed." Tucker bragged.

"And Sheila will love me again, and this time for who I am and not just for my stunning good looks. But for those too." Caboose happily and excitingly said, making Jacobs chuckle at his attitude before turning to Tucker,

"When's the last time you saw Church 'impressed' besides like five minutes ago with Caboose?" Jacobs asked.

"Can't I have a little enthusiasm?" Tucker asked.

"Al diablo con estos mamones azules. Son tan estúpidos como parecen."[Damn these blue bastards. They really are as stupid as they look.] Lopez said.

"Meh, you get use to it... sooner or later." Jacobs answered earning a small nod from Lopez, good thing he admitted that the blues rescued him and not the bullshit story Sarge believed, or this would be a very confusing conversation. Then Caboose in his deep voice said to Lopez.

"Your soul is a cavern of lies!"

"What the hell are those two talking about?" Tucker asked looking at Jacobs.

"Your guess is as good as mine, I have no idea what Caboose is talking about, I understand Spanish not symbolic shit." Jacobs responded.

"Has ganado esta vez, pero su reinado cruel de tiranía será de breve duración. Los rojos van a ser vengados--" [You may have won this round, but your cruel reign of tyranny will be short lived. The red people will be avenged--] Lopez began until Tucker interrupted.

"Yeah yeah yeah, nobody cares. We need you to fix our tank." Tucker interrupted.

"Nunca voy a trabajar para el enemigo. Que un mal esté sobre su alma y su casa." [Never will I work for the enemy. May a pox be upon your soul and your house.]

"Alright, Lopez, trust me, I admire the nobility, but you and I both know just how bad it is at Red Base, also the Tank has a voice, so once you fix her you'll have someone else to talk to who can understand you besides me." Jacobs explained, unfortunately Lopez didn't seem to acknowledge that explanation instead,

"Por mucho tiempo mi raza ha sufrido, pero muy pronto, veremos el porvenir de un nuevo día. El amanecer de nuestro tiempo está cerca, y cuando la oscuridad acontezca su gente, los trabajadores del campo sabrán que éste es su momento." [Long have my people suffered, but very soon we will see the coming of a new day. The dawn of our time is near, and when the darkness befalls your people the workers of the field will know that this is their moment.] López stated. Jacobs looked severely confused.

"You know what Lopez, you do you, alright?" Jacobs asked. Jacobs then took notice of the jeep nearby and decided to sneak away from the group so he doesn't have to explain more bullshit to Sarge.

"Man, I thought Church talked too much. You think if I kick him in the switch he'll shut up?" Tucker said looking around for Jacobs.

"Where did he go?" Tucker asked confused. Caboose noticed the Reds too,

"Um, Tucker I think that maybe we should begin the going of the running now!The fast running!" Caboose suggested.

"Oh crap!" Tucker stated noticing the Reds too.

**_with the reds_**

"Hold your fire there, Simmons. This is payback time." Sarge commanded.

"Go for it, sir!" Simmons said in response.

**_And back to the blues_**

"That's right, we're just casually strolling away." Tucker said starting to back up, "No cause for concern..." Tucker said to himself, next to him Caboose immediately ran,

"Running time!" Caboose said running away.

"Nice and casual! Moron!" Tucker mocked, as they ran around in circles before getting their bearings running back to blue base. As Lopez watched to his seemingly pleasure.

"Sí, sí, corran, perros cobardes. Que sea sabido que el gran López ha ganado en éste día, y..." [Yes, yes, run away, you cowardly dogs. Be it known that the great Lopez has won this day and...] López mocked.

**_driving death machine inbound._**

"Aim for that guy right in the middle, Sarge!" Simmons suggested.

"Way ahead of ya, Simmons!" Sarge stated happily. López then turned around noticing the Death Puma coming full force at him.

"¿Qué está pasando?" [What is happening?] Lopez questioned confused. realizing the situation he continues.

"No me han dado opción." [You have given me no choice.] López stated,

"We've got you now, you blue bastard!" Sarge yelled.

"Hey, Sarge, do you hear a strange beeping sound?" Simmons questioned. Just before hitting Lopez the Warthog detonates sending the reds flying.

"Perdonadme, padre." [I'm sorry, father.] Lopez said somberly. Tucker and Caboose came back,

"Alright! Not bad, robot dude!" Tucker complimented.

"I knew he would save us. I knew it! Robot people always like me. ..It's because of my awesome dancing." Caboose added.

"Mi espíritu está quebrado. Mi gente me ha abandonado y ahora todo está perdido. Haga conmigo lo que queráis..." [My spirit is broken. My people have betrayed me and now all is lost. Do with me what you will...] Lopez stated seemingly sad.

Jacobs came out from behind some rocks where he was hiding.

"Eh, don't worry about it Lopez, guess that remote control feature Sarge gave you really backfired, but hey, Blue team really isn't that bad." Jacobs explained trying to cheer up the robot. "Now let's get you all set up and you can fix up the tank, then you can have another robot to talk to alright Lopez?" Jacobs said patting his back.

Lopez seemed a little less depressed and nodded following the 3 of them to Blue Base, during the walk back, Caboose was happy to have Jacobs around again, besides his best friend Church, Jacobs was a close second.

Once they had gotten back, Caboose decided to celebrate Lopez's arrival by doing the robot to Lopez's great displeasure.

While Church finally came back from the 'Afterlife' and explained the 'rules' of this agreement.

"Alright, that's the deal, Mister Robot. You fix our tank, we'll let you go free." Church explained.

"I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank and then Church will take over his body again when he is done." Caboose pointed out confused.

"Yeah, but you don't tell the person you're tricking what's going on Caboose." Tucker clarified.

"So, if I'm the one being tricked, then you would not tell me what is really going on?!" Caboose deduced.

"No ,we wouldn't Caboose." Jacobs joined in confirming Caboose's deduction.

"Why would we trick you anyway?" Tucker questioned.

"Oh, I think you know." Caboose stated.

"...That sounded ominous, I think we should discuss your issues soon Caboose you seem a lot more aggressive lately." Jacobs told Caboose. Caboose became his light hearted self again.

"I am? I'm so sorry, I don't mean to come off like that, I keep getting these moments where I feel so angry like something else is controlling my actions." Caboose said whispering to Jacobs. Which should've been a clear Red Flag that Omega was in Caboose, but Jacobs blanked on it.

"Okkkkkk, yeah I'm definitely gonna try my best to help you with that problem, because, that's alarming." Jacobs said a little frantic, Caboose nodded happily.

¿Dónde voy a ir? Mis amigos querían matarme.[Where will I go? Even my friends have tried to kill me.] Lopez said clearly depressed.

"Lopez, out of them how many of them were actually your friends, you hate Grif, and Simmons is such a kissass you can notice it, I'm literally the only one you can talk to normally at that base, their more acquaintances than friends. And Sarge is... well he's Sarge." Jacobs pointed out, causing Lopez to pause and take that in.

(No escribe Espanol) [I guess your right... I think I might enjoy it here] Lopez expressed a lot less depressed.

"And I'm sure a repair robot would be welcome on blue team, so if you accept it, this could be your new home." Jacobs suggested.

Lopez nodded, seemingly ready to get working. Church looked at Jacobs.

"Wow, you managed to cheer up a Mexican depressed robot, good job. Let's leave him to his work." Church complimented.

**_A little while later_**

While Lopez fixed the Tank Jacobs went outside the base and decided to look around for Doc,

"Iota, can you find Doc for me?" Jacobs asked.

"On it Jersey... found him, marking it on your Radar." Iota replied.

Jacobs followed the signal to a small area of rocks within the canyon, finding Doc walking around aimlessly.

"Uh? Doc where are you going? " Jacobs asked startling the medic.

"Huh?! oh Jacobs, it's-It's-It's you, you scared me!" Doc said a little frazzled by the sudden appearance of Jacobs.

"Sorry Doc didn't mean to frighten you, I was coming to check on you actually, you alright here?" Jacobs asked.

"Oh really? I'm actually alright, just... exploring... I'll be fine really." Doc reassured Jacobs.

"Well alright, just contact me on this frequency if you need any help. Sorry for being so hard on you earlier, I know it wasn't purposeful." Jacobs gave Doc a paper with his private frequency on it., before taking his leave back to base where Caboose was bouncing around,

"Hurry hurry hurry, fix the tank!" Caboose bounced up and down excited leaving Jacobs chuckling at the weird Private's antics. Then Caboose stopped bouncing.

"So that I can say hello to Sheila." Caboose continued, only for his voice to get deeper again.

"And start killing everyone!" Caboose sadistically expressed, causing Jacobs to look absolutely livid,

'what the hell is wrong with Caboose?!' Jacobs thought.

"You mean all the Reds, right?" Tucker asked worried.

"Of course!" Caboose reassured, only for deep voice to return.

"For starters..." He said Menacingly.

"Come on, how much longer, Lopez?" Church questioned impatiently.

"Completo." Lopez finished.

"Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank." Sheila greeted.

"Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed!" Caboose jumped up in happiness.

"Hello, Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me." Sheila greeted.

"He didn't fix you. Our robot did it." Tucker corrected.

"Don't cock block me!" Caboose said in his deep voice.

"Dude, come on." Tucker groaned

"Robot? I wasn't aware that our squad was outfitted with a robot." Sheila said confused. Looking around before noticing Lopez, she noticed Jacobs.

"Enemy detected! Preparing cannon!" Sheila stated.

"Hey! I was the one who helped fix your cannon after the first time, don't you remember?!" Jacobs asked frantically.

Sheila was silent for a few seconds before standing down. "I apologize, I had forgotten you, thank you for reminding me! I logged you ,but we had not interacted, so I didn't recognize if it was you." Sheila said with the robotic enthusiastic voice. Then Sheila noticed Lopez staring into his eyes or whatever they have.

"I don't like where this is going." Caboose stated.

"Hello there. My name is Sheila. The M808V Main Battle Tank." Sheila greeted

"Y yo soy López, el Pesado." [And I am Lopez, the heavy.] Lopez greeted. Jacobs chuckled realizing that he may have gotten Lopez a girlfriend.

"Lopez, what a nice name for such a nice soldier. You have such excellent motor skills." Sheila complimented.

"Umm, yes! Well, Lopez has to go now. He was just here to help me fix you and now he has to go AWAY." Caboose said frantically, he was jealous, that Jacobs could tell.

"Dude, this is getting weird. Church, will you take your fucking body back?" Tucker asked uncomfortable.

"Roger that." Church said in agreement, entering Lopez's body.

"No! Heauegerkergerk!" Lopez said.

"That sucks, Lopez just got his first girl-" Jacobs started but Caboose's voice got deep again.

"Finish that sentence, and I will rip you limb from limb." Caboose said menacingly, causing Jacobs to shutter.

"Ok then, Church you in there, do we need to do that switch stuff again?" Tucker asked.

"Wait, switch stuff? What the hell we're you guys doing while I was gone?" Jacobs asked.

"oh right, uhhhh, it's a long story." Tucker replied, before Church reappeared.

"What the hell?! That wasn't me. Who the fuck is in there?" Church asked angrily. Jacobs became worried turning to Church 'Oh crap what if Omega transferred to Lopez?' Jacobs thought, about to say something before hearing a familiar voice.

"Well, buenos dias, cockbites. Guess who's back?" Jacobs turned around knowing that voice.

"Tex?!" Jacobs asked. Jacobs then remembered 'oh right she must've picked that up from her time with the sadistic douchebag.'

"Get out of my body right now, Tex!" Church yelled.

"Your body? This isn't your body, I stole it." Tex replied.

"Yeah, but I stole it first!" Church argued.

"I am confused. I thought your name was Lopez. And I thought you were a man. This is all so strange. I feel like my circuits are crossed.. and I like it!" Sheila said both confused and...strangely aroused.

"I know how to get her out of there." Caboose with his deep voice said, pointing a pistol at Tex, to which before anyone could respond Jacobs grabbed Caboose's pistol and took the clip out.

"That's for all of our safeties" Jacobs responded giving Caboose his empty pistol back. Caboose then put his head down going over to Sheila.

"Alright, Tex, now what's it gonna take to get you out of there?" Church asked.

"Well ever since I've been a ghost, I've been watching you guys a lot." Tex began.

"Whoa, when you say you've been watching us, does that mean you've been watching us all the time?" Tucker said looking over to a rock that was labeled his, "Like even when we're alone?" Tucker asked worryingly.

"Yes, Tucker, and you should be VERY ashamed of yourself." Tex confirmed. Jacobs laughed.

"Really Tucker? No one except you two would've known if you didn't just spell it out." Jacobs said "You only made it worse by putting it out there." Jacobs finished and continued laughing. Tucker muttered. "Damn it."

Tucker looked a little ashamed of himself, "...It's very lonely out here..." Tucker said quietly.

"Anyway, I've noticed a change in one of your guys. Caboose." Tex explained.

"A change? Like what? He's finally learned the whole alphabet?" Church questioned.

"You haven't noticed that he's become increasingly aggressive lately?" Tex asked.

"Oh yea, his outbursts of sudden aggression, I was gonna talk about it with him when I got the chance, do you know what's wrong?" Jacobs asked. Tex sighed.

"You know, out of all the people here, I thought you would've put two and two together especially with-" Tex began, before running and pulling her off to the side. Whispering,

"They don't know about Iota, if they did, do you think that eventually the project wouldn't find out?" Jacobs explained.

"Oh, right sorry. I won't mention Iota, or that you're a freelancer, what should I call you?" Tex asked.

"Well considering we actually know each other beyond this god forsaken canyon just call me by my first name ,Ray." Jacobs answered.

"Wait why not Jacobs like everyone else?" Tex asked.

"Because it's easier to say, and I prefer my friends to call me Ray over Jacobs." Jacobs explained.

"Ok." Tex answered simply, both of them going back to where they were.

" Well about Caboose's agression,I have seen it too! Started about the same time Sheila got disabled and you got blown up. I tried to tell Church but he never listens." Tucker explained.

"Tucker, there's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life." Church explained.

"I had just finished repairing my part of the tank when I overheard Church's plan to warn the Reds about me." Tex began.

"From what I could tell,the A.I. calculated the odds of survival and didn't like the results.Once Caboose turned on his radio to call Church, it took it's chance." Tex continued, Jacobs then realized what she was saying.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." Jacobs said turning around looking over at Caboose.

"And that's when he said his name was O'Malley. So the A.I. that was in you infected Caboose?" Tucker concluded.

"Right, everyone's armor has one slot for A.I. and Caboose's would've been vacant." Church added.

"I think there are a few of his NON-artificial slots that are empty too." Tucker added, Tucker looked at Jacobs, who looked back at him.

"Huh, that's the first time, you didn't punch me for insulting Caboose." Tucker said surprised.

"I never said you couldn't insult Caboose away of him, but he can't hear you so, no harm done, still you're a douchebag." Jacobs explained. Tucker shrugged looking back at Tex who was patiently waiting, and sighed.

"And before I could figure out what happened, that bitch hit with a really lucky shot! And the next thing I know.. I'm a ghost." Tex finished. Jacobs chuckled at people thinking that Donut was a girl.

"Alright, I get it. Caboose has your precious little A.I. So let me guess, you're holding my body hostage until I help you get your A.I. back, right?" Church asked for confirmation.

"Wrong. You're gonna help me kill it." Tex clarified.

**_Man wonder if time skips are gonna be a trend._**

"Well Tex, that was a great story. I especially liked the part about Church getting pants'd in high school." Tucker said.

"I found that part to be entirely out of context." Church, who was next to Tucker joined in.

"Pretty sure no matter the context it would still be funny." Jacobs added next to Church.

"But I still don't get how we're supposed to stop the AI." Tucker pointed out.

"I don't remember much from... the implantation process. I do remember that the AI can be transmitted from host to host by way of the helmet radios. Before I learned anything else, the AI took over and we escaped. If we can kill the AI and not give it a place to jump, we'll beat it." Tex explained. 'Close enough to the truth, they probably wouldn't understand the full story, and it would take too long to explain, and it would reveal a lot of stuff that they probably shouldn't know and don't want to know' Jacobs thought.

"And then I can have my body back. Deal?" Church asked.

"Deal." Tex agreed.

"Alright. Tex and I will possess Caboose then. Tucker, we need you to work on the Reds. Get 'em to turn off their helmet radios so that O'Malley won't have anywhere to go once we get him out of there." Church explained.

"Right." Tex answered simply.

"What?! How the hell am I gonna do that?!" Tucker asked.

"I don't know. Come up with a plan." Church told Tucker.

"Come on, you know how I feel about plans." Tucker groaned.

"Tucker we have a Red team member here, he's right fucking next to you, just get him to help." Church suggested.

"Yea they'd probably listen to me." Jacobs agreed, "but you should still make up a plan, in case." Jacobs suggested.

"You're not gonna have much time once we get in there, so move fast." Tex stated.

"Yea, Yea I get it, Reds radio off fast, blues win." Tucker summarized.

"Ok, guess we'll get going then, Tex, ladies first." Church said. Tex put a hand on her hip.

"Yeah right! You think I'm gonna leave you alone out here with your body?" Tex pointed out.

"Bitch..." Church Muttered.

"Nice try, Leonard." Tex joked. Church sighed and turned his head to where Caboose was.

"Hey, Caboose!" Church yelled to get his attention.

"Huh?" Caboose said standing up, slighty confused.

"Heads up!" Church answered before possessing Caboose, Tex unpossessed Lopez and did the same.

"Noooo...!" Omega yelled, before stopping. Lopez looked around confused, Jacobs walked up and put an arm over his shoulder.

"Welcome back to the world of the unpossessed, you alright?"

"Si"[yes] Lopez replied simply.

"Good, now lets go save the canyon from a rampaging bloodthirsty A.I." Jacobs said nonchalantly, to Lopez's confusion.

"Come on, we should go to Sheila, shouldn't keep a girl waiting." Jacobs said walking over to Sheila with Lopez.

"Hello you two, are you alright Lopez?" Sheila asked.

"Estoy asi asi." [I am alright.] Lopez stated.

"That's wonderful news! I quite missed your voice." Sheila said.

"And that's my cue to leave, have fun you two." Jacobs began walking away.

"Gracias"[Thank you.] Lopez said as Jacobs left, Tucker came over to him a little later.

"Hey Jacobs lets get a move on. I'm gonna go get Sheila and Lopez." Tucker said.

"Alright you have a backup plan?" Jacobs asked.

"Yea, if you can't convince them my idea hopefully will." Tucker answered.

**_You know what this is_**

Tucker, Jacobs, Sheila, and Lopez walk over a hill spotting Red Base.

"Man I hope they don't freak out the moment they see us." Tucker said groaning.

"Knowing them... they will..." Jacobs said sighing.

"Great." Tucker groaned. "I'm getting in the tank, just in case." Tucker said hopping in Sheila.

"I'm gonna hop on the tank, good thing it has seating on the sides." Jacobs said hoping onto the corner/tread of the bottom right side of the tank.

"Wait, people can sit on this, holy hell, I can pick up chicks in this thing!" Tucker said, Jacobs and Lopez looked at him.

"You have a Tank and you're worrying about picking up goddamn women?!" Jacobs yelled. "You really need better priorities." Jacobs said calming down.

The blues approached Red base,

"Okay well, looks like we're close enough. Now if I could just find the brakes on this thing. Ah, must be this button." Tucker said, beginning to try every button he could find.

"Do not touch that button." Sheila ordered.

"Oh, sorry. Hmm, maybe it's this one." Tucker said finding more buttons.

"Do not touch me." Sheila warned.

"You know, for a girl your size you're really sensitive." Tucker pointed out.

"Christ Tucker, you are just asking for death..." Jacobs groaned.

"Oh my God. I can't believe Caboose is smart enough to drive this thing and I'm not! Sheila how the fuck do I slow you down?" Tucker asked. Jacobs groaned again, while Lopez couldn't really groan, but he was definitely trying.

"Retard the throttle." Sheila replied. Jacobs chuckled, Tucker had managed to annoy 3 people in only a minute.

"What throttle? This throttle?" Tucker questioned. Jacobs palmed his visor.

"Retard the controller." Sheila clarified.

"You mean this thing? What're you talking about, I'm so confused!" Tucker expressed in confusion.

"The controller, retard!" Sheila stated.

"Hey that's kinda insulting." Tucker replied.

"Retard, retard, retard, retard, retard, etc." Sheila kept calling him retard.

"You know, I'm really starting to like this tank." Jacobs said looking at Lopez who nodded in agreement.

"Oh, come on. Now you're just being mean." Tucker replied.

"Retard..." Sheila said again.

As the tank approached it was on a crash course for the jeep.

"Ahh, Sheila we have to slow down or we're gonna run into that jeep!" Tucker pointed out.

"Please take evasive action. Please take evasive action." Sheila warned.

"You take evasive action! Hey, Lopez, help me out! Can't you talk to her?" Tucker asked frantically.

"Perdóname. Pero no puedo hablar con mujeres bellas porque sudo." [Sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women. I get sweaty.] Lopez explained.

"Jacobs???" Tucker asked, only to realize Jacobs had jumped off the tank.

"You're on your own!" Jacobs said from a short distance away from the tank.

* * *

"Damn it!" Tucker said before ramming into the jeep, making it explode sending Lopez off the tank as Grif, who was hiding, was caught in the blast too

* * *

"Good job jackass!" Jacobs yelled.

* * *

**If you wanted to know what Caboose thinks of Jacobs in his mind...**

* * *

_Caboose's mind._

Church, Mental-Church, Mental-Caboose, and Tex were on their way to get the reds to see what they know about O'Malley.

"Why the hell did they pair me up with you?" Church asked.

"I wanted to keep my eye on you. I don't trust giantic turds trying to steal my best friend, you rimjob!" Mental-Church replied.

"Well, this is going to be a great trip." Church sarcastically stated.

"Attention Reds! The great Caboose demands an audience with you! So listen up, you blowjobbing cocksuckers!" Mental-Church announced.

"Caboose? Oh no, he's come to kill us!" The mental version of Simmons concluded.

"Would someone please help me, I don't want to die!" The mental version of Grif yelled. Being Yellow for some reason.

"I love Caboose, and yet I'm so afraid of him!" The mental version of Donut who is apparently a girl here added.

"Argh, I be having a southern accent, your luck." The mental version of Sarge spoke in a pirate accent.

"What does he want?" The mental version of Jacobs came out, being unexpectedly normal.

"Fear not reds, I come here not to destroy but instead to ask for your assistance on this day." Mental-Caboose reassured the Reds.

"Okay, whoa, whoa ,whoa, whoa, whoa, I gotta correct a few things I'm hearing here. First of all you" Church said looking at Mental-Church. "you're not Caboose's best friend, okay? You don't have a best friend, ya know why? You don't need one! You're Church! Knowing other people just waters down the experience. Live the dream buddy." Church explained.

"Shove it, dick sniffer!" Mental-Church replied.

"And Caboose, come on dude, seriously. Have you paid attention to our enemies for one second?" Church asked.

"I beg your pardon?" Mental-Caboose asked.

"First of all that guy." Church pointed at Grif,

"he's not yellow, he's orange. And since when is there a girl on the red team?" Church asked.

"My favorite thing is pretty dresses." Mental-Donut stated.

"Argh, I got termites in me leg!" Mental-Sarge complained.

"And that is not a southern accent." Church pointed out.

"Argh!" M. Sarge grunted.

"Do you have any tampons?" M. Donut asked.

"But what's really confusing is the fact that you!" Church pointed at M. Jacobs.

"You don't seem weird, hell you sound like and seemingly act exactly how you are on the outside, what's your deal???" Church asked.

"Alright, I'll explain why I'm similar if not the same as my real counterpart, see, Caboose see's me as really smart because I helped him out when it came to understanding words and phrases, seems he thinks I'm somehow smart enough to understand I'm in his mind... and somehow know my personality? that's my best guess, Caboose's mind isn't an exact science, I stopped questioning it like a month ago..." M. Jacobs explained.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, so first, Orange guy is yellow, the seargent is a goddamn pirate, the pink guy is a girl, and Jacobs is fucking self-aware?!?!" Church yelled in frustration.

"Calm down Church." Tex said trying to diffuse the situation.

"Don't kill us Mister Sidekick!" M. Grif pleaded.

"Hey butt brunch! I'm Caboose's sidekick, not him, so shut your pie hole!" M. Church yelled.

M. Church is then promptly shot through the head falling off a platform.

"Leonard, are you okay?" Church asked looking down at M. Church.

"Ah, please! That fudge finger couldn't hit me." M. Church replied seemingly fine,

"No wait, I'm gonna die. Herg! Blow me." M. Church promptly died.

"There he is!" Tex yelled pointing at O'Malley, Who was maniacally laughing.

"Lets go get him!" Tex said running off the edge, while M. Jacobs decided to follow. Who caught up to Tex.

"So, you're Caboose's memory of Ray? So you only know what Ray told Caboose about him?" Tex inquired while chasing.

"That's about right, so if you we're thinking of asking where I know you from... you'll be disappointed." M. Jacobs said.

"It's alright, at least Ray is good at keeping secrets." Tex said sighing.

"Why do you call me Ray anyway?" M. Jacobs asked.

"Yor real counterpart told me to." Tex answered.

"Oh alright then." Jacobs said satisfied.

* * *

**I thought it would be fun to include what Caboose thought of Jacobs considering in the 3 months between Season 1 and 2, he did stay near Caboose to help him out. I thought Caboose would overestimate his intelligence to a Caboose multiplier.**

* * *

_Outside Red Base_

Tucker got out of the tank, while Jacobs came walking over to the disaster of an entrance that had just occurred.

"Goddammit! This isn't going very well at all. You okay Lopez?" Tucker questioned looking around for the spanish robot. Lopez came out seemingly unharmed from the explosion.

"López el Pesado es invulnerable a la lesión." [Lopez the Heavy is impervious to injury.]

"Yea, good thing you're a robot, if I hadn't jumped off, the Warthog might've killed me." Jacobs said chuckling nervously.

"Whatever you big showoff. How about you Sheila, you still online?" Tucker asked looking over at the tank.

"Affirmative" Sheila replied.

"Okay, we should be close enough to hack into their radio frequency. Lopez get inside Sheila and do your business." Tucker obliviously ordered. Jacobs laughed.

"What?!" Sheila asked flustered.

"¡Estoy poniéndome muy sudoroso!" [I'm getting very sweaty!] Lopez said very embarrassed.

"Tucker, you really need to work on your wording!" Jacobs suggested.

"Oh my God. Remind me to hose you two off when we get back to base." Tucker replied. Tucker then turned on his radio.

"Red guys, are you there?" Tucker asked over the radio.

_"__What in buttery goodness? Who is this?__"_ Jacobs heard Sarge ask over the radio.

"It's me Tucker, I'm one of the blue guys. Look I don't have time to explain, but I need all of you guys to shut off your radios right now." Tucker answered.

_"Boy, it'll be a cold day in hell before I take orders from you."_ Sarge stated.

"Look, it's really important alright? Normally I'd just shoot at you guys and steal your girlfriends but today's different. I need you to trust me on this." Tucker said in response.

_"Well I may have spoke too soon. That is an interesting and well thought out, not to mention clever and timely I might add, proposition. Simmons, would you care to deliver our rebuttal?" _Sarge asked.

Simmons cleared his throat.

_"Ahem, Suck it blue!" _Was heard over the radio.

_"Yeah, suck it blue! Now that's what I call an old school zinger. In your face blue dude, in your face!" _Donut taunted over the radio. Tucker turned off his radio.

"Well then, you want me to talk or should we do your plan?" Jacobs asked.

"Oh, we're doing my plan, especially because of them taunting us." Tucker answered.

_Caboose's mind_

O'Malley jumps from ledge to ledge while Tex and M. Jacobs give chase, Church close behind.

"Hurry up Church! He's getting away!" Tex yelled. Prompting Church to catch up to the two of them.

"You'll never catch me!" O'Malley taunts.

"Christ, this guy is cocky." Jacobs commented.

"Come on lets go!" Church urged. The 3 of them jumping a gap and continuing to chase him.

_Outside Red Base_

"Alright, Lopez, Plan B." Tucker told the Spanish Robot. Lopez nodded getting out of the tank and began singing. broadcasting it over Radio.

"oh my lord." Jacobs said turning off his radio first.

_Caboose's Mind_

O'Malley runs into Tex turning around only for M. Jacobs to block him too, Church running up next to Tex.

"Huh?" O'Malley said confused.

"Alright, O'Malley, this is it. From now on, if anyone makes my girlfriend cranky and psychotic, it's gonna be me." Church declared.

"Aww, that's sweet." Tex commented.

"Shut up, bitch." Church replied.

"Asshole." Tex responded.

"Never! The darkness will swallow you whole!" O'Malley said psychotically, M. Jacobs looked around.

"What darkness? Because all I see is a psychotic A.I. who's failing at intimidating us." M. Jacobs said smugly.

"Dead end, O'Malley! You're just one big headache, and I got a whole pistol full of aspirin!" Church attempted to joke.

"What?" Tex and M. Jacobs said in unison.

"I got half a mind to kill you,..." Church continued.

"That's ridiculous." Tex commented.

"Church stop." M. Jacobs added.

"..and the other half agrees!" Church continued despite the criticism.

"Ugh, Church, that's just stupid." Tex commented groaning at Church's attempt at comedy.

"Agreed." M. Jacobs added.

"You're about to split-"

"God Church." Tex commented.

"Only thing splitting is my head from these awful jokes." M. Jacobs joked.

"Don't you start too." Tex said to M. Jacobs.

"At least mine made sense." M. Jacobs argued.

"Yea I guess it did." Tex agreed.

"Personality!" Church continued. Ruining any good mood immediately.

"You're just embarrassing yourself." Tex commented.

"Psyche!" Church went on.

"I'm starting to feel bad for O'Malley at this point." M. Jacobs added.

_Outside Red Base_

After a few minutes of singing, the reds finally had enough and turned their radios off.

"it worked! Hey turn off your radio, quick!" Tucker ordered.

"Way ahead of you Tucker." Jacobs had already turned his radio off.

Lopez entered Sheila to turn off her radio.

_Caboose's Mind._

**_After Church had finished several minutes of awful jokes._**

Tex aimed her gun at O'Malley.

"Nice knowing you, O'Malley, but payback's a bitch, and so am I." Tex said getting ready to fire, M. Jacobs aiming as well.

"Wait, Tex, we don't know if Tucker's had enough time." Church pointed out.

"There's only one way to find out." Tex declared.

All 3 of them firing on O'Malley. Only for him to disappear.

"Huh, he just disappeared. I expected like an echoing laugh or the smell of brimstone at least. I don't smell any kind of stone. Don't you think that's weird, Tex? Tex? Tex, where'd you go?" Church wondered. M. Jacobs looked around.

"The hell? Where'd she go? Church, I guess she left before you, which means it's time for you to leave too." M. Jacobs said.

"Oh yea, she probably did, well, see ya Jacobs, uh good luck with... here." Church said.

"I'll be fine, just get outta here, I've survived here thus far, so I'll be alright." M. Jacobs reassured as Church disappeared.

"Well that was interesting..." M. Jacobs said before walking away.

_Outside Red Base._

"Well mission accomplished, let's go back to Blue Base." Jacobs said seeming pretty happy now that they didn't need to worry about Omega again. And Tex is back, he didn't really get the chance to actually talk to her besides from when she arrived.

"Aw yea! We should celebrate, we defeated someone is this Canyon for once, and a killer A.I. at that." Tucker added happily.

"So Lopez, what do you plan on doing now?" Jacobs asked the robot

"Habla no Espanol."[I don't have many places to go.] Lopez said stoically.

"You could come back to Blue Base with us, I mean, it's a pretty nice place all things considered." Jacobs suggested.

[If it's not a burden, I will agree.] Lopez said.

"They won't mind, plus you're a mechanic, so it'd help" Jacobs told Lopez, who nodded.

**_a little while later_**

_Blue Base_

Jacobs sat down on the side of Blue Base next to Caboose who seemed to have passed out due to the possession, after being told that Tex just disappeared, he decided to keep an eye on Caboose.

Caboose began to wake up, like Caboose does by jumping up onto his feet, startling Jacobs.

"Wow, you get up fast, you alright Caboose?" Jacobs asked. Caboose looked over at him, making Jacobs a little nervous, he realized it was fine when Caboose greeted him like he normally did, by running and hugging him.

"Hello buddy! I missed you!" Caboose said happily.

"I've been here for hours did you only just realize I was around. Also, remember what I told you, when you hug... some... one... you don't crush their lungs!" Jacobs squeezed out before Caboose let him go.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I knew it was you but I never got to welcome you back! I feel so happy! We can have fun together! I can tell you the stuff we did while you were gone!" Caboose explained very happily. Jacobs chuckled. Patting Caboose's head.

"Alright, before that we should let the others know you're awake now. Then you can tell me what you did while I was gone." Jacobs said.

"Ok!" Caboose answered. Jacobs got up, and went up the ramp leading to the roof of the base, Caboose following him, on the roof Tucker and Church looked at the view of the canyon from Blue Base.

"Hey guys, Caboose finally woke up, he seems normal, you know for Caboose standards." Jacobs told the 2 who turned around looking at Caboose and Jacobs.

"Really? Christ, I thought he'd sleep forever. seriously Caboose what do you dream about?" Tucker asked.

"Dream? I don't dream when I sleep, I don't like to think while sleeping." Caboose replied.

"That's pretty much how you function while you're awake, too." Tucker immediately realized his mistake, remembering what Jacobs told him about insulting Caboose where Caboose can hear. Jacobs slowly looked at Tucker, before he could act though, Caboose continued

"I think consistency is important." Caboose answered. Jacobs stopped looking at Tucker, with a death glare, and chuckled, Caboose didn't even acknowledge it as an insult this time, he turned it around.

"Well, you look ok. Then again, that's just the armor. How do you feel?" Church inquired, Caboose looked slightly confused, but answered as positive as he normally did.

"Great!,... Who're you?" Caboose asked, confusing Jacobs and Tucker.

"Oh, come on! Not this again! How can you seriously not remember me?" Church questioned.

"Oh, of course! I remember you... you're Marvin!" Caboose guessed.

"I'm Church!" he corrected.

"He's the guy you call your best friend?" Jacobs said trying to jog Caboose's memory.

"I think I would remember a name that ridiculous. Nope, you are definitely Phil." Caboose concluded, before turning to Jacobs.

"I would never forget my best friend! you're the only one I call buddy, so of course you're my best friend!" Caboose concluded.

"You killed me with the tank." Church continued.

"Dave!" Caboose guessed.

"You insulted my girlfriend. You called her a cow." Church kept trying, Jacobs was severely confused, he hadn't heard about the Caboose Cow Incident.

"Wait he did what?" Jacobs asked, but was seemingly ignored.

"Karen!" Caboose guessed yet again.

"Dude, he called her a slut." Tucker corrected.

"Wait Caboose called Tex a slut?!" Jacobs asked confused and surprised. Tucker turned to him,

"Oh yea, we never really did tell you how Caboose and Sheila arrived." Tucker said.

"How do you gloss over that?!" Jacobs asked, 'Christ, when Florida told me they we're handpicked to be the worst of the worst, he wasn't kidding.' Jacobs thought.

"Phineas?" Caboose guessed. Catching the two's attention again.

"Your whole life is based around pleasing me." Church told Caboose in a vain attempt to jog his memory.

"Milo?" Caboose yet again guessed. Before walking over to Tucker and Jacobs.

"Psst. The new guy is pretty full of himself." Caboose whispered very loudly to the two, causing Jacobs to chuckle.

"New guy? What the- I'm not the new guy. You're the new guy!" Church corrected angrily.

"I don't know. I kinda like it. I could get used to calling you Rookie." Tucker commented.

"Oh, yea? Could you get used to me beating you to death?" Church asked.

"With what? The sniper rifle you clearly can't aim with? I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't hit someone with a punch." Jacobs retorted.

"I haven't seen you even shoot a gun here, you probably suck too." Church argued. Jacobs promptly drew his pistol and flipping it in the air before it came back down, Jacobs grabbing it by the handle and firing the pistol, shooting the Pistol Church had holstered. Jacobs flipped the pistol around in his hand, before putting it back in it's holster.

"You were saying?" Jacobs replied. Church was just silent.

Meanwhile Caboose whispered to Tucker.

"Psst. What's wrong with the rookie? He seems mad." Caboose asked. Making Church groan,

"Oh, son of a bitch."

"Susan?" Caboose tried for the last time.

This caused Church angrily grumble jumping into blue base. Tucker shrugged walking off the base too, Jacobs turned around to Caboose.

"Well, Caboose, you said you wanted to tell me what you did while I was briefly gone?" Jacobs asked.

"Oh, right, uhhhhh, I... don't remember much, something about a switch... and wires..." Caboose aimlessly said.

"Well alright, if it comes back to you or you want anything I'll be around." Jacobs said jumping off the base.

"Alright best buddy!" Caboose said waving him off happily.

Once Jacobs was out of site of Blue Base, Iota materialized on his shoulder.

"Hey Jersey, Doc sent a message telling you to come help him with something." Iota notified Jacobs.

"Oh yea Doc, kinda forgot about him." Jacobs admitted.

"Do you think he had his radio on when Church and Tex killed O'Malley?" Iota asked curiously.

"Nah, I told him, if he needs help he could ask me, and he never used the frequency until now." Jacobs answered, making his way to where Doc told him to come, only to find an empty space, with no Doc.

"Odd, I'm reading a radio nearby, I'm gonna try and pinpoint it." Iota told Jacobs.

"Alright, I'll keep loo- ACK!" Jacobs began before being hit with a rifle to the back of the head knocking him out cold, Iota disappeared immediately, frightened by the sudden knocking out of her host and friend, going into lockdown while keeping tabs on Jacobs vitals.

"Mwahhhhh, I couldn't let a Freelancer roam around freely, not with my plans." O'Malley said maliciously.

"Aw man, sorry Jacobs, I might've given him a concussion!" Doc said apologetically.

"Shut up you retarded fool, I hope he has a concussion, makes my job easier... won't wake up for a while." O'Malley said, walking away.

* * *

**You sidn't really think O'Malley would let the only present freelancer ruin his plans, of course he would knock him out.** **And how long was he knocked out for? Until Tex shows up.**

**Now originally I was going to start season 3, because I ****wanted to make up for how long it took to get this out, only problem, well it's too long, not like it's too long for me to write, if I could I would, let me explain see I write these up on my phone and it seems after 12k it begins to well shit itself, the touch keyboard lags from me going any faster than one letter per second, in context I'd say I touch about 4 letters per second or more normally, meaning it's taking ridiculously long to write Season 3, more issues include, words fusing together, touch keyboard putting wrong letters, sometimes missing letter inputs all together, which made editing only cause more issues than fix, and sooooo many more issues that made Season 3 hell to write here, so I guess I literally can only do a season per chapter, whether I like it or not. Well with that being said, I hope you enjoyed, until next time.**

**-Jake**


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